HELLO. I’ve spent more than 30 years being right about absolutely everything and, in tomorrow’s general election, you have the chance of a lifetime to join me.
BORIS Johnson has amazed Britain by managing to star in a version of Love Actually even sh*ttier than Love Actually already was.
DESPITE widespread agreement that he’s a lying twat, millions of people still intend to vote for Boris Johnson. What’s your depressing justification?
THE general election has already ruined the Christmas run-up, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Here’s how to let it turn the whole festive period into sh*t.
BORIS Johnson has claimed that the boy lying on a floor in A&E was doing it as a protest because he wants to get Brexit done.
DIANE Abbott and Jacob Rees-Mogg are spending their time in exile as electoral liabilities by holidaying together in Bali.
YOU probably don’t realise it, but many Britons hold views that mean they are ‘Brexiters’ or ‘Remainers – and it may even influence their vote! But which are you? Find out in our fun quiz:
BORIS Johnson has unveiled his 10 election pledges to the public, but how will he betray every single one of them?
HELLO. You’ve probably noticed, over the last nine years, how pretty much everything has gone wrong. The funny thing is, absolutely none of it is my fault.
THEY’VE told me not to get involved in this election. So I won’t. I like Boris a lot and everyone should vote for him. Here’s my plan he’ll follow.
A MAN who has spent three years ranting about Brexit is not planning to vote on December 12th if it is cold that day.
THE Tories have used the ‘Trump playbook’ to put the blame for last week’s terror attack on Labour. What else can they implausibly pin on them?