Politics

Johnson doesn't know meaning of 'favourable treatment', says anyone who's slept with him

BORIS Johnson’s lovers have confirmed that Jennifer Arcuri cannot have received 'favourable treatment' because he does not know what it means.

Idiots still calling Johnson 'Boris'

IDIOT voters, pundits and broadcasters are still referring to the prime minister as ‘Boris’ as if he were a cuddly children’s toy not a neo-fascist monster.

Five silly, piffling, minor trifles with Boris Johnson's Brexit plan

BORIS Johnson’s new Brexit plan must be brilliant because the DUP like it, but some critics are raising pootling, dunderheaded objections to it.

Remainer stockpiling self-righteousness for no-deal Brexit

A KEEN Remainer is stockpiling self-righteousness in his garage in preparation for a no-deal Brexit.

Tory conference ends with obligatory destruction of nearby comprehensive school

THE Tory Party Conference is to finish with the obligatory demolition of a local comprehensive school.

Tory conference breaks record for most bastards in one place

THE Conservative party conference has won a place in the Guinness Book of Records for fitting the largest number of total bastards into one location.

Thank goodness women can't vote, says Johnson

BORIS Johnson is relieved that women still do not have the vote, it has emerged.

Five things Boris Johnson does that would land anyone else in the sh*t

ARE you amazed at Boris Johnson’s ability to do terrible things with no repercussions? Here’s what would happen if you tried.

Johnson or Corbyn – which would you rather have as your neighbour in a 70s sitcom?

ONE is an outdated relic from 70s sitcom Citizen Smith, the other an outdated relic from 70s sitcom Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em. But which would make the best neighbour?

Aw look, it's likkle teeny-weeny cutesy-wutesy Trumpy-wumpy

THE British public is smiling indulgently at a cute little tiny wee baby Trump lookalike that has been performing in the House of Commons.

Has anyone ever f**ked things up as quickly as Boris Johnson?

AFTER two months as prime minister, Boris Johnson has lost his majority, every Commons vote and his prorogation. But has anyone been worse faster?

I outrank the Queen, claims Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has asserted that as Leader of the Commons and England’s greatest living Victorian, the Queen is his servant.