Brexit Mount Rushmore to feature carved heads of Jim Davidson, Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley and Ian Botham

A PLANNED Brexit Mount Rushmore to be carved into the white cliffs of Dover will feature Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley, Jim Davidson and Ian Botham.

Brexit march finally reaches fictional Brexit town

THE Brexit march has reached an imaginary Brexit town where all their dreams about leaving the EU have come true.  

The Brexiter's guide to pretending you're not bricking yourself

ARE you a Leaver who’s finally realising no-deal Brexit could come crashing down on you if May’s deal is rejected? Here’s how to pretend everything's fine.

We're definitely getting our shit together this time, babbles Britain before snorting big fat line of nationalism

THE UK has sworn to the EU it will definitely take this chance to sort itself out before doing a shitload of nationalism in the bogs.

May loads Skoda Yeti with bogroll at Belgian hypermarket

THERESA May has been stockpiling toilet roll during her latest trip to Brussels.

I see Chuka Umunna everywhere, admits haunted Corbyn

JEREMY Corbyn has admitted he walked out of a meeting last night because he saw Chuka Umunna, who he also sees looming from every shadow.

The gammon's guide to panic buying for Brexit

YOU may have voted for Brexit, but that’s no reason not to stock up on vital supplies. Here’s what every gammon should be buying.

Useless headmistress cross again

THE headmistress has called another special assembly to tell pupils and teachers alike how very cross she is with them.

Nine f**king days left

THERE are nine – nine! – fucking days left until economic armageddon and still the same shit is going on, Britain has realised.

Defeat-addicted government doesn't know where to go for next fix

THE government has admitted it is addicted to parliamentary defeats and is already jonesing for another one.

I only smirked because it was f**king hilarious, says Bercow

THE Speaker of the House has clarified that he only smirked when cancelling a third Brexit vote yesterday because it was so incredibly funny.

Brexit marchers demand emergency airdrop from EU

HUNGRY, exhausted Brexit marchers have demanded an emergency airdrop of food, shoes and clothing from the EU if they are to continue.