Politics

Johnson to campaign on leaving EU on October 31st no matter what

BORIS Johnson is to centre his election campaign around his do-or-die promise that Britain will leave the EU on October 31st this year.

'More politics? How absolutely f**king fantastic', says Britain

AN ECSTATIC Britain has thanked MPs for calling an early general election because it just cannot get enough of politicians on the news.

All the reasons why it's not Boris's fault

BORIS Johnson became prime minister on the back of a firm commitment to leave the EU on October 31st, which we won’t be. But it’s not his fault.

Is there a chance Brexit isn't working because it's total sh*t? ask Remainers

REMAIN voters have put forward the tentative theory that Brexit may not be working out because it is fundamentally flawed and pointless.

The conditions attached to the EU's latest Brexit extension

THE EU has granted Britain a third Brexit extension, this one for just three months. But a number of stringent conditions are attached.

The BBC vox pop moron's guide to the general election

ARE you the sort of person the BBC interviews in shopping precincts during the day for your banal opinions? Here moron Norman Steele gives his advice on voting in a December election.

If Boris cancels my son's sh*tty nativity play, he's got my vote

I HAVE been a left-winger all my life. I vehemently oppose Brexit. But if Boris Johnson’s December 12th election cancels my six-year-old son’s nativity play, he has my full support. 

Don't put this sh*t on us, warns electorate

THE electorate has warned Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn not to come to them with their problems and expect them to sort it all out. 

Five things Brexiters would have been happy with instead of this b*llocks

AS Brexit enters new levels of tedium, are you wondering if there might have been a simpler way to keep xenophobic Leavers happy? Here are some suggestions.

You could have had Brexit by now if you hadn't been such d*cks about it

BRITAIN’S Remain voters have pointed out that Brexit could have happened ages ago if Brexiters had not been such twats about it.

Five historical events that Boris Johnson would have pushed through in three days

THE withdrawal agreement should take weeks to pass, but Boris Johnson has sworn to do it in 72 hours. What other historical drags could he have rushed through?

Five things Brexiters believe that they think we all believe

BREXIT is about belief. But Brexiters not only believe in Brexit, they have a few other beliefs that they think we all share, but we don’t. Here’s a few of them: