Politics

Weedy boys to team up against school bully

MICHAEL Gove and Rory Stewart are to stop being victims and show that big blonde bully what for, they have confirmed.

Tory candidates agree they've totally f*cked up Britain

THE Conservative leadership candidates are all agreed that Britain has been completely ruined by nine years of Conservative leadership.

Which lies are you willing to believe from Boris Johnson?

IS the Earth a cube? Does chutney cure herpes? Was The Phantom Menace a film-making triumph? How big a lie are you prepared to accept from our next prime minister?

Anxious nation cheered by Raab's dismal failure

BRITAIN is to start the weekend early in celebration of Dominic Raab’s pathetic failure.

Rory Stewart is 'active MI6 agent infiltrating extreme right-wing organisation'

RORY Stewart is an active MI6 agent currently in deep cover in an extreme right-wing group planning to devastate Britain, sources have revealed.

How to disguise dangerous incompetence as comical bumbling

ARE you a f*ck-up to your very core, like certain figures in the national spotlight presently, but keen to mask it as hapless buffoonery?

Corbyn secretly in love with Rory Stewart

JEREMY Corbyn has admitted to a huge 'man-crush' on Conservative leadership candidate Rory Stewart. 

It's our turn to elect a pr*ck, Britain agrees

BRITAIN has reluctantly agreed that it is our turn to elect a hilariously vain d*ckhead.

Man who can't stop talking boll*cks clearly ideal for Brexit negotiations

BORIS Johnson’s incessant flow of bullsh*t is perfect for Brexit negotiations, it has been claimed.

A few of the more useless f*ckers to go today, Tories promise

THE Conservative leadership race will today shed a few of its more useless, hapless and hopeless f*ckers, the Tories have promised.

Michael Gove's guide to cocaine parties

HAVE you been invited to a cocaine party but are worried you won’t know what to do? Here Michael Gove explains all you need to know.

No-deal Brexit is the policy of a f*cking idiot and I am that idiot, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has launched his leadership campaign by confirming that only a f*cking halfwit would support no-deal Brexit and he is that man.