Terrified middle Englanders 'would vote for Pol Pot over Jeremy Corbyn if they thought it would protect their house prices'

MOST middle Englanders are so terrified of Jeremy Corbyn they would happily vote for Cambodian despot Pol Pot, it has been confirmed.

Why doesn't the ignorant, dickhead, extremist British public like us? ask centrist politicians

MODERATE UK politicians are bewildered that the clueless, moronic, and bigoted general public, especially those in the godforsaken North, do not support them and their careers.

Johnson and Rees-Mogg still not helping to pick all the fruit

BREXITERS Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg are still not helping to pick fruit despite being directly responsible for a chronic shortfall in seasonal farm workers.

Guilt-ridden Brexit bus in self-destructive shame spiral

THE bus used to claim that Brexit would save £350 million a week is caught in a 'self-destructive spiral of shame'.

Jeremy Corbyn's guide to acting decisively

HELLO, comrades. As a top politician I know only too well the importance of acting swiftly and decisively. Here’s how to take the bull by the horns in a variety of real-life situations.

Doddery old f*ckers to form Brexit Home Guard

AGEING Leave voters are forming a Dad’s Army-style militia to defend Britain during the dark days of a no-deal Brexit.

University fresher still believes in Corbyn's Brexit 'long game'

A UNIVERSITY fresher is ready for Jeremy Corbyn to unleash his secret Brexit masterplan, it has emerged.

Dominic Raab stockpiling food for himself

THE Brexit secretary has confirmed that he is stockpiling food and nobody else is having any of it.