Gatherings outlawed but f**k the law, Covid surging but back to the office, don't see family but go the pub with strangers
DOWNING Street has confirmed that for every policy it is introducing the opposite policy so nobody knows what the f**k they are doing ever.
PRITI Patel has vowed to make failure to read the Daily Mail a terrorist act punishable with life in prison.
IF Jacob Rees-Mogg was not an MP he would be subjected to daily assaults by his co-workers and random people, experts have confirmed.
JUST for fun, let’s imagine Boris Johnson and Keir Starmer could physically kick the shit out of each other instead of having increasingly irate exchanges at Prime Minister's Questions.
EAT Out To Help Out’s success proves that Britain can be bought off with anything halfway free. Here’s what Rishi Sunak should try next.
AS personal trainer to the prime minister, I’m painstakingly logging his journey from obesity to good health. Here’s the story so far:
A SPEECH by Boris Johnson at a primary school has made a child want to follow in the footsteps of his new hero.
AN incredible prophet can see a week into the future of England by watching the news on BBC Scotland.
FORMER Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has accepted a five-figure offer to teach Politics A-level at Stoke Newington Sixth Form College.
THE prime minister is holidaying in a remote cottage on the Scottish coast and keeping a mistress in a bell tent on the grounds.
RECENTLY I’ve noticed columnists saying it’s wrong to appoint useless people to important jobs. As someone with a long history of incompetence, let me explain why they’re wrong.
WITH this nasty coronavirus business finally put to bed, Boris Johnson is taking a well-earned break from doing f**k all. Here’s how our lord and master will relax.
- Dad furious at Tories over exam results still going to vote for them next time
- For f**k's sake, can't you dickheads keep a disastrous policy in place long enough for me to slag it off?
- I got shit A-levels and look at me now, says Gavin Williamson
- 'Sell a lung': Rishi Sunak's guide to riding out the recession