Piss off you old ratbag it's my go, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has decided he may as well just tell the prime minister to piss off.

Tories annoyed Brexit not leaving time to bollocks up other things

TORIES are concerned the government is so bogged down in Brexit it does not have time to destroy the rest of the fabric of society.  

Britain thrilled with its shitty voting choices again

THE UK has refused to hand a clear local election victory to either Labour or the Conservatives because both of them are pretty toss.

Man can’t remember which one is Stormy Daniels and which is Cambridge Analytica

A MAN is pretty confident that pornstar Cambridge Analytica has been paid off by Trump and Stormy Daniels has shut down, or possibly vice versa.  

Where's that twat Cameron these days? asks entire UK

THE deepening Brexit crisis has made Britons wonder what has become of the pink-faced Etonian who caused it in the first place.  

Your guide to voting in the local elections

IF you’re diligently trogging round to your old primary school to vote in the local elections, what should you do? Read our guide.

Brexiter discovers 'House of Lords'

THERE is apparently a ‘House of Lords’ which should be abolished immediately, a Brexiter has discovered. 

I can't believe that f**king worked, says May

THERESA May is stunned that Amber Rudd's resignation caused everyone to forget the Windrush deportations were entirely her idea, she had admitted.