Politics

Brexiters excited to vote on thing they know jack shit about again

LEAVE voters have confirmed they will be turning out in large numbers to vote on a thing they do not have a clue about.

Tory MPs begin search for vaguely competent bastard

CONSERVATIVE MPs are hoping to replace Theresa May with someone who is just as cynical and nasty but not really bad at absolutely everything.  

Anything that touches Theresa May's new Brexit plan will die, doctors warn

DOCTORS have confirmed that the prime minister’s new Brexit plan is so extravagantly toxic that any living thing that touches it will die.

Gunge Tank on Noel's House Party was also liberal intolerance, Farage confirms

NIGEL Farage has confirmed that the Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also an example of radical Remainers exercising liberal intolerance.

Six things to have in your kitchen if you want to be Tory leader

HAVE you arranged a cosy kitchen photoshoot to prove that you’re an ordinary, decent person who would do a great job running the country? Here’s what to pose with.

Which historical monsters could have been stopped with a milkshake?

THROUGHOUT history, evil men have led nations into war, slaughtered their own people and doomed generations to slavery. But could today’s advanced thick shake technology have stopped them?

Slush Puppies volunteer to be thrown at twats

BRAVE Slush Puppies are volunteering to be tossed at right-wing arseholes.

Your guide to the f**kheads, wankers and creeps who want to be next Tory leader

THEY’RE off! The starting gun has been fired, Theresa May’s long, slow demise is drawing to a close, and an absolute arsehole will succeed her. But which one?

Corbyn ruins old folks' coach trip to Whitby

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn ruined a day out to Whitby for all the other pensioners by being an awkward sod, it has emerged.

Camera crew in Brexit heartland puts up 'Nutters Only' sign

A NEWS team visiting the Brexit heartland of Stoke-on-Trent is sick of interviewing people with reasonable, well-thought-out views.

How to rescue an older relative from the Brexit Party cult

HAVE your parents or grandparents become brainwashed followers of Nigel Farage? Cult deprogrammer Norman Steele explains how to stage an intervention.

Teenager's radical political views fail to include bothering to vote

A TEENAGER who believes politics needs a radical shake-up by his generation is less interested in the boring bits like actually voting.