THE dead wood – women, people of colour, wets, nutters – has been whittled away. But who will be the last ever Conservative in Downing Street?
POLITICIAN? Looking to get news exposure but unwilling to answer questions? Go for a run the minute you see the cameras arrive, following these rules:
MICHAEL Gove and Rory Stewart are to stop being victims and show that big blonde bully what for, they have confirmed.
THE Conservative leadership candidates are all agreed that Britain has been completely ruined by nine years of Conservative leadership.
IS the Earth a cube? Does chutney cure herpes? Was The Phantom Menace a film-making triumph? How big a lie are you prepared to accept from our next prime minister?
BRITAIN is to start the weekend early in celebration of Dominic Raab’s pathetic failure.
RORY Stewart is an active MI6 agent currently in deep cover in an extreme right-wing group planning to devastate Britain, sources have revealed.
ARE you a f*ck-up to your very core, like certain figures in the national spotlight presently, but keen to mask it as hapless buffoonery?
JEREMY Corbyn has admitted to a huge 'man-crush' on Conservative leadership candidate Rory Stewart.
BRITAIN has reluctantly agreed that it is our turn to elect a hilariously vain d*ckhead.
BORIS Johnson’s incessant flow of bullsh*t is perfect for Brexit negotiations, it has been claimed.
THE Conservative leadership race will today shed a few of its more useless, hapless and hopeless f*ckers, the Tories have promised.