HAVE you been getting by on vague, waffling bullshit for years, but suddenly it’s not doing the trick?
DEALING with the opposite sex is tricky, particularly if you get a bit shirty with a lady MP and everyone accuses you of being a sexist. Here’s how to strike the right ‘tone’ with the ladies.
BEGINNING to think the government has ballsed things up but refuse to admit Boris might not be the new Churchill? Here’s what to tell yourself.
JACOB Rees-Mogg has retired to the family vault to wait out the next 150 years until humanity has recovered enough to deserve him again.
Britain scores the highest death toll in Europe and still the whinging carpers have nothing positive to say, by Dominic Raab
IS it impossible for the Left to be positive? Are they so blinded by ideology they can’t recognise this government’s achievements?
THE bookshelf of Sir Iain Duncan Smith has a full run of British pornographic magazine Fiesta hand-bound in leather, photos have confirmed.
THE government has confirmed they have contingency plans in place in case Boris Johnson begins making good decisions.
THE prime minister has warned that lockdown measures may remain in place for months because of how badly they have f**ked this up.
IS Winston Zipwire Johnson too much? Here are some other names for my new son that will start him on the road to greatness.
ARE you responsible for something very important and it’s turned into a total shitshow? Here’s how to try and convince yourself and others that everything’s fine.
BY the time testing is reliably rolled out, either the crisis, or the world, might have ended. Here are some tests that are more dependable than the UK government’s current offering.
LOSING track of exactly which government f**k-up came when? Follow our pandemic timeline.