Politics

This lowers the standard for impeachment, say Republicans who did it over a blowjob

REPUBLICANS have argued that Trump’s impeachment has lowered the standard for impeachment from its previous high point of an Oval Office chewy. 

Who are you blaming for Labour's loss?

LABOUR suffered their worst electoral loss since 1987 last week, and logically it must be someone’s fault. Who are you blaming?

How I plan to spaff cash over the North, by Boris Johnson

I LIKE the North now it’s a Tory heartland, and I plan to spunk about £80 billion to keep it that way.

87 percent of Tory voters admit they would gladly vote for Mussolini

ALMOST 90 percent of Conservative voters would happily vote for Benito Mussolini if he was a Tory and still alive.

New MP for Stoke-on-Trent realises she has to live there

THE new Conservative MP for Stoke-on-Trent Central has just shuddered with horror on realising she now has to live there.

Jo Swinson belting out ‘That’s Life’ while holding wine bottle like a microphone

FORMER Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson has been ‘belting out’ That’s Life while standing on her sofa.

Lib Dems to become knitting club for a few years

THE Lib Dems have decided to take a break from politics and try something different, starting with becoming a knitting club.

Brexit Party now just a weird retired couple and a golliwog

THE Brexit Party’s dismal election results have reduced it to a retired couple from Cornwall and their golliwog, ‘Mr Golly’.

How to survive five more years of Michael f**king Gove

THE Tory victory means we’ll be seeing more of Britain’s most irritating twat, Michael Gove. Here’s how to get through the difficult years ahead.

Corbyn to reflect on what 'p*ss off you beardy Red twat' could possibly mean

JEREMY Corbyn has announced that he and Labour are in a ‘process of reflection’ on what voters mean by telling him to ‘p*ss off’.

Five desperate ways Farage can draw attention to himself again

NIGEL Farage is a bit irrelevant now. So how can he slither back into the limelight again?

F**k work, says Britain

THE UK has declared a spontaneous national day off following last night’s electoral trauma.