Are you Priti Patel or Damien out of The Omen?

EVIL takes many forms, whether a child who is secretly the Antichrist or the MP for Witcham. Which are you?

The seven political disasters the Johnson baby and wedding will distract you from

BORIS Johnson’s opportune new baby and wedding have already covered up Priti Patel’s incompetence, but what else will they distract from?

Win a date with Priti Patel

WOULD you like to win a date with the UK’s popular home secretary Priti Patel? Enter our unique competition for charity by answering these Priti-related questions. 

In the face of a global health emergency we have a twat in charge, Britain realises

THE UK is slowly waking up to the fact that, in the face of an oncoming world catastrophe, it has chosen to put a d*ckhead in charge.

The right and wrong times to get your cock out

THERE'S always someone getting raked over the coals for exposing his penis in the news, so when is the right time to whip out the chinos cobra?

James Bond's not real, and five other things MI5 can't tell Priti Patel

MI5 insiders have admitted withholding information from home secretary Priti Patel. What aren’t they telling her?

The unemployed Brexiter's guide to new job opportunities

RESTRICTIONS on migrant workers could free up jobs for unemployed Leave voters. Here are some of the exciting opportunities on offer.  

Why should my week off be ruined because there's sewage on your hall carpet?

OH NO, there’s dirty water lapping at the MDF of your flat-pack kitchen. Dear me, your dismal new-build hallway’s swimming in sh*t. Exactly why is that my problem?

Are you batsh*t enough to be a Downing Street adviser?

BORIS Johnson and his grand vizier Dominic Cummings are hiring advisers who believe in eugenics and forced contraception. Are you unhinged enough to be one?

Who is the new Chancellor of the Exchequer? No f**king idea

BRITAIN has a new Chancellor of the Exchequer, second only in power to the prime minister. But who is he? No f**king clue whatsoever. 

Michael Gove kept in cabinet to spite Britain

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

Man who claims to hate unelected bureaucrats loving Dominic Cummings

A MAN who wanted the UK to be rid of unelected decision-makers is into everything that Boris Johnson’s advisor says and does.