Politics

Government To Consolidate All Its Debts Into One Low Monthly Payment

THE Treasury is to relax its rules on borrowing after seeing a television advert featuring Carol Vorderman.

Party Leaders Forced To Holiday In Britain

GORDON Brown and David Cameron both considered resigning from their posts after being forced to spend another summer holiday in Britain, it was claimed last night.

Public Has Nothing To Fear From Gigantic, All-Powerful Database

THE government last night dismissed fears over its massive, evil database insisting it would only ever be used to peer into the very depths of your soul.

Brown Woos Voters By Acting Like Your Gran

GORDON Brown has outlined plans to recapture the political agenda by acting like your old gran.

MPs Think You Must Be Some Kind Of Twat

A YEAR long review of the rules governing MPs’ expenses last night concluded that you are a complete twat.

MP Does Something Other Than Being A Dick

WESTMINSTER was left reeling last night after a senior politician did something that did not involve being a total dick.

Labour Unveils Plan To Lose Last Remaining Votes

LABOUR will today unveil a detailed plan to alienate its last remaining pockets of support.

Crewe Goes All Fancy

CREWE was prancing around quite the thing last night after getting itself a fancy new millionaire to represent it in parliament.