GORDON Brown has pledged to build 650 new ideologically-friendly towns across Britain when he becomes Prime Minister.
SNP Leader Alex Salmond has provoked the first constitutional crisis of the new parliament by demanding Scotland have its own entry in the Eurovision song contest.
ALEX Salmond has extended the hand of friendship to Lib Dem leader Nicol Stephen by offering to buy him a beautiful pony named 'Brambles'.
FIRST Minister Jack McConnell has barricaded himself inside his official residence and is refusing to leave.
UNITED Nations election observers last night labeled Scotland as one of the most knuckle-headed countries on the face of the earth.
TENSIONS inside the Labour campaign boiled over last night as Gordon Brown delivered a severe thumping to First Minister Jack McConnell.
It's set to be the most historic night in Scottish politics since blah blah blah.... Union in jeopardy.... blah blah.... end of Labour domination..... blah blah.... is Gordon Brewer feeling alright?
MONSTER Munch will be the next first minister of Scotland, according to the latest Daily Mash readers' poll.
THE SNP election campaign will reach a spectacular climax this week when the face of party leader Alex Salmond is projected on to the surface of the moon.
LABOUR candidates and party activists will spend the last three days of the campaign updating their CVs, the Daily Mash has learned.
FIRST Minister Jack McConnell is the party leader least trusted to take your 19 year old-sister to the zoo, according to the first Daily Mash readers' poll.
THE Liberal Democrats received an election boost today as the greats of Scottish pantomime threw their weight behind slightly more powers for the Holyrood Parliament.