Wednesday, 5th August 2020

Care homes should have been more careful of coronavirus than I f**king was, says Johnson

THE prime minister has criticised care homes for not following coronavirus prevention procedures, much like a dickhead called Boris Johnson. 

Johnson, wearing hi-viz because he thinks that makes Britain like him, told care homes that they had no excuse for being cavalier about the risks after he demonstrated the risks of being cavalier.

He said: “They should have worn the PPE they didn’t have, should have taken the tests that weren’t available, and should have refused to take the infected patients we sent them.

“Coronavirus is very dangerous. I myself was admitted to intensive care because I ignored all medical advice around it, much as I am doing now.

“There is absolutely no excuse for not doing the right thing, unless you wish to exploit the ‘exceptional circumstances’ clause to drive to Durham in which case no problem.

“Consequently there were a number of regrettable circumstances in care homes which could easily have been avoided if the senior citizens involved had merely travelled to Greece via Bulgaria to stay in their mountain villa.

“I look forward to repeating this at the upcoming public inquiry, chaired by one of my mates, the report from which will be delayed and buried. Thank you.”