Friday, 3rd July 2020

Embattled housing secretary pulls ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card by saying it was Cummings's idea

ROBERT Jenrick has curtailed any possible criticism for granting billionaires favours for cash by claiming Dominic Cummings said it was okay. 

The housing secretary, accused of breaking rules to save porn baron Richard Desmond £40 million for a measly £12,000 donation, is now untouchable because if Cummings says it is alright then it is no longer illegal.

Jenrick said: “It was all Dom’s idea. There. Bet you feel pretty stupid now, don’t you?

“I checked with him, and he said: ‘Meet Desmond, watch his promotional video, ignore regulations, overrule your own staff, give him whatever he wants. Send dodgy texts about it if you like.

“If anyone asks you any questions, say it was alright with me. After that the press, the police, public enquiries, none of them can do f**k all.”

“Oh yeah, and that cottage at Dom’s parent’s place in Durham that they didn’t have planning permission for? They officially don’t have to. Because they’re his parents.”

The next minister to use the Cummings defence is expected to be home secretary Priti Patel, next week, when she is involved in a hit-and-run accident with a bus queue and fails a drug test.