Friday, 3rd July 2020

F**king footballers have more claim to moral high ground than government

PREMIER League footballers, widely acknowledged as the worst people in society, are now more decent than the f**king government. 

The footballers, who earn millions for working a couple of days a week and spend it all on haircuts and sex parties, have somehow managed to seize the moral high ground from the people we elect to look after us.

Nathan Muir of Shrewsbury said: “Marcus Rashford reckons we shouldn’t let poor kids go hungry over the summer. The government, for f**k’s sake, disagrees.

“This is one kid. He’s 22. He plays for Manchester United, the most evil bastard football club there has ever been or will ever be. He’s not even fulfilled his potential as a striker.

“But somehow he’s better regarded than Boris Johnson, who the entire point of is that we’re all meant to love him. How do you f**k up that badly?

“Who’s going to be more popular next? Investment bankers? Serial killers? The Go Compare man?”

A Downing Street spokesman said: “I’m expected to defend the deliberate starvation of children? F**k that noise. I’m out.”