Foreign Office Has No Idea Who Foreign Secretary Is

AFTER months of speculation, civil servants at the Foreign Office have admitted that they do not know who the Foreign Secretary is.

A source said: "It's been pretty stressful for everyone since the last one left, whoever that was.

It's not Malcolm Rifkind

"These days we just refer to anyone even vaguely familiar that we pass in the corridor as 'Secretary of State'.

"We had the Iranian ambassador in here last week. Christ only knows who he wound up talking to."

The source added: "There is a growing John Reid faction though Peter Hain is running a close second, meanwhile there's some fud on the South East Asia desk who thinks it's still Malcolm Rifkind.

"There's also a guy who works in the canteen who absolutely insists that it's Margaret Beckett, which I think is just great."