Wednesday, 28th October 2020

Iain Duncan Smith's sociopathic guide to ending lockdown

THE economy must return to growth. The human cost is immaterial. Former cabinet minister and rōnin Iain Duncan Smith outlines his uncompromising plans.

Abandon two-metre distancing

A large proportion of society is expendable. Benefits claimants, artists, the weak. Allow coronavirus to take its course, strip out the deadwood and emerge stronger as a nation. I go into this in more detail in my new book, My Challenge.

Legalise weekly murder

I saw a very intelligent and thought-provoking sociological text recently, The Purge. An outpouring of community spirit and wonderful exercise. If anyone needs a katana or garrotting wire, I keep a stock.

Compulsory mass gatherings

The public should be compelled to attend horse racing, music concerts, gay darkrooms and so on. Why? A military man like me knows you close on the enemy and get stuck in. Don’t show weakness and it’ll cut and run.

Drafting care home residents

Care home residents deserve to live out their last as productive citizens. Working on oil rigs, as prison officers or simply operating heavy machinery would give them their dignity back.

Court-martial teachers

Leftie teachers are agents of a foreign power: COVID-19. What they are doing – so far nothing – is treason. I’m not suggesting firing squads for all teachers, just a few televised special events on The One Show, in a special report by Emma Willis.

Scorched Britain policy

If people refuse to return to normal, flush them out of lockdown by setting fire to their homes. Lead an angry mob. Overturn a few cars. Open shops yourselves, by force.