Saturday, 26th September 2020

It'll all be over by Christmas, says confident posh f**kwit who'll build you a nice memorial

A BLITHELY ignorant aristocratic f**khead has declared that the whole thing killing everyone will all be over by Christmas so no need to worry. 

The upper-class twit who likes big fancy dinners and privately-educated totty has confirmed that he will throw away your lives like pocket change then do you a nice stone memorial after.

He continued: “I may not fully understand what’s going on but I shan’t let that stop me.

“On August 1st I will order you all over the top into the jaws of death, ie back to the office, because we must save Subway, Pret A Manger, Barburrito and Southern Railways.

“A month after that your children will all return to the trenches because they’re fine, it’s probably not infectious, and you’ve all got herd immunity! A herd, like cattle. Like that Wilfred Owen poem I did at Eton.

“There’s no need whatsoever to be concerned that you’ll all be mown down in your millions and the survivors traumatised for life as this drags on for four years. How could that happen?

“They’ll be lovely memorials. There will be one in every town, covered in names. Anyway! Christmas to look forward to!”