My idiot sons could run this country better than you, Queen tells May

THE Queen has told Theresa May that her useless, do-nothing sons would be better at running Britain. 

The Conservative leader, asking permission to form a strong and stable government propped up by religious maniacs, was forced instead to stammeringly explain what she has done to the country now.

The Queen said: “Bloody Andrew could do better, and the only thoughts in his head are helicopters, golf and tits.

“Jesus, I mean Charles chats to potatoes and married his horse but he’s not stupid enough to think he’d win a popularity contest. Neither am I. That’s why I don’t hold them.

“I wouldn’t trust you to beat Edward in a game of It’s A Royal fucking Knockout. That’s how useless you are. That’s actually past your level.”

The Queen added: “Go on and form your nonsense government. I’ll see you next week when it’s collapsed.”