Nine f**king days left

THERE are nine – nine! – fucking days left until economic armageddon and still the same shit is going on, Britain has realised. 

Theresa May’s latest attempt to repeat the same failed strategy a further time when the countdown is in single figures has finally forced the nation to face up to how horrendously dysfunctional it has become.

Nathan Muir of Colchester said: “I thought someone would do something sensible at 29 days. I still thought that at 19 days. Now we’re at nine days.

“It’s becoming clear that there aren’t any adults in the room, that the Brexiters will still be saying ‘It’s fine’ in the food riots, that Theresa May would stand on one leg and bark like a dog if the ERG asked her too, and that we’re all fucked.

“Meanwhile the opposition nobly looks on, powerless to do anything to prevent the disaster because they want to look like big heroes when they save us from it.

“We will still be arguing about the Irish backstop at 10.59pm on Friday March 29th, as the match is put to the fuse that blows up our stupid fucking country.”

Muir added: “Nine days. For fuck’s sake. Somebody do something.”