Politics Headlines

Rees-Mogg admits to affair with Queen Victoria

THE Tories are facing a fresh scandal after Jacob Rees-Mogg confessed to a passionate affair with 19th century monarch Queen Victoria.

I will only give up when every person in Britain has personally told me to f**k off, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has confirmed he will only end his leadership ambitions when every single one of the UK’s 65 million citizens has personally told him to fuck off. 

Boris Johnson offered prime minister's job just to see him shit himself

THERESA May has offered Boris Johnson her job as prime minister while all the other Tories hid and laughed as he absolutely crapped himself.

Corbyn under pressure to remove head from arse

JEREMY Corbyn is under increasing pressure to remove his head from his rectum and do something about Brexit.

Nan explains latest confusing reasons for voting Tory

A NAN who lives in a local authority affected by Tory cuts has given an utterly incomprehensible account of why she always votes for them.

Government commits £49 to tent for the homeless

THE government has unveiled plans to eradicate homelessness by buying a tent from Millets.

Terrified middle Englanders 'would vote for Pol Pot over Jeremy Corbyn if they thought it would protect their house prices'

MOST middle Englanders are so terrified of Jeremy Corbyn they would happily vote for Cambodian despot Pol Pot, it has been confirmed.

Why doesn't the ignorant, dickhead, extremist British public like us? ask centrist politicians

MODERATE UK politicians are bewildered that the clueless, moronic, and bigoted general public, especially those in the godforsaken North, do not support them and their careers.

Johnson and Rees-Mogg still not helping to pick all the fruit

BREXITERS Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg are still not helping to pick fruit despite being directly responsible for a chronic shortfall in seasonal farm workers.

Guilt-ridden Brexit bus in self-destructive shame spiral

THE bus used to claim that Brexit would save £350 million a week is caught in a 'self-destructive spiral of shame'.

University fresher still believes in Corbyn's Brexit 'long game'

A UNIVERSITY fresher is ready for Jeremy Corbyn to unleash his secret Brexit masterplan, it has emerged.

Dominic Raab stockpiling food for himself

DOMINIC Raab has confirmed that he is stockpiling food and nobody else is having any of it.