Politics Headlines

Voters surrender to their inner bastard

MILLIONS of voters have admitted they are bastards who just want money.

If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, claims Corbyn

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn has told Boris Johnson that if he strikes him down, then it is he who will truly have lost.

Corbyn nasty bad man

JEREMY Corbyn is a bad, nasty man so you no vote for him.

Britain to leave EU because of massive, blond-haired child

BRITAIN will quit the European Union because a massive, blond-haired child says so.

Nostalgic nation looks back on nine great years under the Tories

BRITAIN is today remembering all the cool things that have happened under Tory rule since 2010.

Elect me you little sh*ts

GOOD day. My message to you, on the final day before the general election, is stop buggering around and vote for me, you little sh*ts.

On reflection we made a terrible mistake by standing for something

IN this election, nobody is in any doubt about what the Lib Dems stand for. And, on reflection, that was our fatal mistake.

Wouldn't you like to be right all the time, like I am?

HELLO. I’ve spent more than 30 years being right about absolutely everything and, in tomorrow’s general election, you have the chance of a lifetime to join me.

Johnson manages to make Love Actually even sh*tter

BORIS Johnson has amazed Britain by managing to star in a version of Love Actually even sh*ttier than Love Actually already was.

What's your pathetic excuse for voting for Boris Johnson?

DESPITE widespread agreement that he’s a lying twat, millions of people still intend to vote for Boris Johnson. What’s your depressing justification?

How to f**k up your Christmas with politics

THE general election has already ruined the Christmas run-up, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Here’s how to let it turn the whole festive period into sh*t.

Boy was on hospital floor because he wanted to get Brexit done, says Johnson

BORIS Johnson has claimed that the boy lying on a floor in A&E was doing it as a protest because he wants to get Brexit done.