Politics Headlines
David Davis quits cabinet to focus on solo material
BREXIT Minister David Davis has resigned to work on some exciting solo material inspired by leaving the EU.
Britain officially a banana republic
BRITAIN is now officially a banana republic with constant sunshine, collapsing government and a good football team.
Boris arranges to be abducted by aliens when Brexit deal goes through
AFTER dodging the Heathrow vote by visiting Afghanistan, Boris Johnson has arranged to be temporarily kidnapped by extra-terrestrials when the Brexit deal is confirmed.
We can get through Brexit if we're high, says Hague
FORMER Tory leader William Hague believes that the UK can get through Brexit fine as long as it remains 'high as shit' throughout.
Brexit bill to be a terrible betrayal of someone
THE Brexit bill coming to the Commons this afternoon will definitely end up being a terrible betrayal of someone, MPs have agreed.
Government announces crackdown on blaming police cuts for crime
THE government is to impose minimum 10-year sentences on anyone attempting to blame police cuts for rising crime, it has announced.
Third Heathrow runway 'vital for mass exodus from this shitty country'
HEATHROW’S controversial third runway is vital for the forthcoming exodus from this arsed-up country, government officials have confirmed.
Get back on the canals, May tells North
THE prime minister has responded to the northern rail crisis by ordering locals off trains and back on narrowboats where they belong.
Only 17 massive new problems with Brexit discovered today
ONLY 17 immense Brexit problems have emerged in the last 24 hours, an upbeat Theresa May has confirmed.
House of Lords only senile old bastards in country who don't back Brexit
THE House of Lords has shocked Britain by being full of senile old bastards who are not backing Brexit.
Piss off you old ratbag it's my go, says Boris
BORIS Johnson has decided he may as well just tell the prime minister to piss off.
Brexiter discovers 'House of Lords'
THERE is apparently a ‘House of Lords’ which should be abolished immediately, a Brexiter has discovered.