Politics Headlines

Second referendum could divide Britain, say f**kwits

A SECOND Brexit referendum could leave Britain hopelessly divided in bitter, entrenched opposition, warn idiots who have noticed nothing since 2016.

Eighth Labour MP to quit admits she slept through her alarm on Monday

THE eighth Labour MP to quit for the independent group admitted she was meant to leave on Monday but it had been a big weekend.

Tories regret joining party full of horrible bastards

BITTER infighting over Europe has led Conservatives to question whether it was a good idea to join a party known for being horrible to people.

Corbyn lines up seven marrows then smashes them with a spade

JEREMY Corbyn has lined up seven marrows at his allotment, spoken to them in angry tones then smashed them with a spade, observers confirmed.

Yay, now it's our turn to call people traitors, confirms Labour

A SPLIT in the Labour party today means both of Britain’s leading political parties will spend all their time constantly denouncing traitors. 

Terrifying countdown to f**k-all continues

WITH only 44 days left until an Article 50 extension is forced by parliament, the EU, Theresa May or all three, the public cannot stop watching the countdown. 

Liam Fox signs trade deals with imaginary countries

TRADE secretary Liam Fox has signed trade deals worth more than £4.8 billion with countries which do not exist, he has triumphantly announced. 

'Oh, I know I'm going to hell' confirms Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has confirmed that he is definitely going to hell.  

Irish border will be free of Popes, May assures DUP

POPE Francis of Rome will have no role in checking vehicles entering and leaving Northern Ireland, Theresa May has assured the DUP.

I don't know who did you this deal but it's shit, says May

THE prime minister has advised Britain that whoever got them this Brexit deal ‘must have been a right cowboy’ and promised to get a better one.

Second referendum to ask 'Do you want everything to be brilliant?'

A SECOND referendum will ask voters if they want everything to be brilliant from now on or if they are against that.

May asks for same changes to same plan so same MPs can vote same way

THERESA May has confirmed that she will take the same plan back to Brussels to ask for the same changes before the same MPs vote on it the same way.