DOMINIC Raab has unveiled plans to throw petrol bombs at your house and then petrol bomb the fire engine as soon as it arrives.
THE finalised Brexit deal imposes full EU rules on Northern Ireland, changes its official language to Flemish, bans religion and renames it West Belgium.
THE bucketful of shit first upended in June 2016 has finally completed its slow 29-month journey through the air and is now hitting the fan.
THE UK has told the Conservative party that if it is trying to hold things together for their sake then go ahead and split up.
THE UK is only allowed the Christmas gifts it wanted on a whim in June 2016 whether or not it has changed its mind since, the government has confirmed.
GEORGE Osborne has admitted to being a political idiot.
CHANCELLOR Philip Hammond has predicted an economic boom after a dream he had about electric unicorns.
BRITAIN is f**ked into a cocked hat because the former leader of the Labour Party did not know how to eat bacon, experts have confirmed.
THERESA May is allowed to keep her position as universally loathed shit-shoveller until the shit is shovelled, the Conservatives have confirmed.
THE ghost of a Victorian child has distanced herself and her era from the cruel policies of Jacob Rees-Mogg.
THE government has postponed the rollout of universal credit until it can be lost among all of its other upcoming serious fuck-ups.
BORIS Johnson has just come straight out and confirmed that he is Winston Churchill.