THE Conservative party conference has won a place in The Guinness Book of Records for fitting the largest number of total bastards into one location.
THE Conservative party conference is here, and with it a whole load of incredibly shit ideas. But which of these panicked regurgitations of Thatcherism are you?
UK can't understand why May announcing vote-winning plan to slash corporation tax quietly in New York
BRITAIN cannot see why Theresa May is announcing plans to slash corporation tax, sure to be acclaimed by ordinary voters, discreetly in New York.
LABOUR have announced their new policy to give all employees shares in the businesses they work for, despise and want to see destroyed.
THE Labour Party has confirmed the smelting of a 24 foot bronze statue of Jeremy Corbyn in which he will be either handing out bread or banging his left fist into his right hand.
THERESA May has informed Brexiters plotting a coup against her that she walked out a week ago and nobody even noticed.
THE Tories are facing a fresh scandal after Jacob Rees-Mogg confessed to a passionate affair with 19th century monarch Queen Victoria.
BORIS Johnson has confirmed he will only end his leadership ambitions when every single one of the UK’s 65 million citizens has personally told him to fuck off.
THERESA May has offered Boris Johnson her job as prime minister while all the other Tories hid and laughed as he absolutely crapped himself.
JEREMY Corbyn is under increasing pressure to remove his head from his rectum and do something about Brexit.
A NAN who lives in a local authority affected by Tory cuts has given an utterly incomprehensible account of why she always votes for them.
THE government has unveiled plans to eradicate homelessness by buying a tent from Millets.
- Terrified middle Englanders 'would vote for Pol Pot over Jeremy Corbyn if they thought it would protect their house prices'
- Why doesn't the ignorant, dickhead, extremist British public like us? ask centrist politicians
- Johnson and Rees-Mogg still not helping to pick all the fruit
- Guilt-ridden Brexit bus in self-destructive shame spiral