Politics Headlines

Useless MPs fail to do in two days what government hasn't managed in three years

INEFFECTUAL MPs have been condemned for their failure to come up with a Brexit solution in two days by a government that has not done so in three years.

Greatest obstacle to believing in Britain 'twats like Boris'

THE UK public has admitted they could 'believe in Britain' if twats like Boris Johnson did not stand a chance of leading it. 

How to climb down gracefully from being a rabid Brexiter

HAVE you spent three years accusing anyone who’s ever been to France of being a traitor, but now realise you’ll be destitute by summer if we leave?

Jacob Rees-Mogg accepts the Colonies are lost

JACOB Rees-Mogg has shocked critics by reversing his long-held position that the Thirteen Colonies of the US must be retaken by Britain.

Everyone in Britain promises anything at all if May resigns

EVERY last living person in Britain has promised to do everything Theresa May asks of them the moment that she resigns.

Elderly rich white men almost ready to sort this shit out

A GANG of elderly rich white men are just about ready to step in and sort out this mess that was definitely not the fault of any elderly rich white men.

I've got a Brexit idea I think you'll love, May tells Parliament

THE prime minister has contacted Parliament with an innovative and fresh idea of how to take Brexit forward that she would just love them to consider.

F**king hell we could have just brought back hanging, say Tories

SENIOR Conservatives have regretfully realised a referendum on capital punishment would probably have served the same purpose as Brexit.

No-deal Brexit will be easy because MP with balloon for a head was in the TA

A NO-DEAL Brexit will be a doddle because a Tory MP with a balloon for a head has served in the Territorial Army, it has been confirmed.  

Brexit Mount Rushmore to feature carved heads of Jim Davidson, Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley and Ian Botham

A PLANNED Brexit Mount Rushmore to be carved into the white cliffs of Dover will feature Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley, Jim Davidson and Ian Botham.

May loads Skoda Yeti with bogroll at Belgian hypermarket

THERESA May has been stockpiling toilet roll during her latest trip to Brussels.

Nine f**king days left

THERE are nine – nine! – fucking days left until economic armageddon and still the same shit is going on, Britain has realised.