Politics Headlines

May suffers wedgie, stolen shoe and drink tipped in bag in single day

THE prime minister has been given an atomic wedgie, had her shoe stolen and seen a full blue drink emptied into her school bag all in one day. 

Current state of UKIP is testament to my genius, says Farage

NIGEL Farage has resigned from UKIP while demanding recognition for creating a party of incompetent racists.  

Brexit debate is absolutely none of your business, MPs tell voters

THE five-day Commons debate on Brexit is nothing to do with you, MPs have confirmed.

UK economy eight per cent too large, Brexiters agree

BREXITERS have agreed that the UK’s economy is oversized, unwieldy and needs to be trimmed by about eight per cent.

Do you remember why you voted for Brexit? 

IN JUNE 2016, you voted for Britain to leave the European Union. But do you have any idea why you did this or is it lost in the mists of time?

May visits Wales in bid to discover the point of it

THE prime minister has returned to Wales to make one last attempt at working out if there is any point in it even being there.

May demands TV debate so she can repeat same six panicked phrases

THE prime minister has demanded a TV Brexit debate so she can repeat the same six meaningless platitudes while visibly panicked.

Britons confirm they'll vote for anything as long as they never hear the word 'Brexit' again

EVERYONE in Britain has confirmed they will happily vote for absolutely anything as long as they do not have to ever hear the word 'Brexit' ever again.

Five coups more successful than Jacob Rees-Mogg's

AFTER years claiming to be a powerful Conservative force, Jacob Rees-Mogg’s attempt to unseat May has left him as humiliated as his tiny mentula left him in the showers at Eton.

DUP reminding everyone of that angry, dickhead flatmate

THE DUP is increasingly reminding the UK of that one flatmate they had who was always standing in the kitchen, arms folded, furious.

Johnson and Rees-Mogg hold secret meeting in treehouse where girls aren't allowed

BORIS Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg have held super-secret talks in a proper tree house where girls are not allowed, especially Theresa May and Amber Rudd.

Monday morning and I'm still f**king here, says May

THE prime minister has announced that it is Monday fucking morning and she is still fucking here.