Terrified middle Englanders 'would vote for Pol Pot over Jeremy Corbyn if they thought it would protect their house prices'
MOST middle Englanders are so terrified of Jeremy Corbyn they would happily vote for Cambodian despot Pol Pot, it has been confirmed.
MODERATE UK politicians are bewildered that the clueless, moronic, and bigoted general public, especially those in the godforsaken North, do not support them and their careers.
BREXITERS Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg are still not helping to pick fruit despite being directly responsible for a chronic shortfall in seasonal farm workers.
THE bus used to claim that Brexit would save £350 million a week is caught in a 'self-destructive spiral of shame'.
A UNIVERSITY fresher is ready for Jeremy Corbyn to unleash his secret Brexit masterplan, it has emerged.
DOMINIC Raab has confirmed that he is stockpiling food and nobody else is having any of it.
ANOTHER vote on leaving the EU should include questions designed to weed out total idiots, it has been claimed.
DANNY Dyer has been appointed Minister for Not Getting Mugged Right off like a Right Little Mug, it has been confirmed.
BORIS Johnson and David Davis have confirmed that they quit the cabinet to go backpacking around South East Asia together.
IT'S great to see so many of our leading Brexiteers prepared to learn from the vermin community.
BREXIT Minister David Davis has resigned to work on some exciting solo material inspired by leaving the EU.
AFTER dodging the Heathrow vote by visiting Afghanistan, Boris Johnson has arranged to be temporarily kidnapped by extra-terrestrials when the Brexit deal is confirmed.