Politics Headlines

Get back on the canals, May tells North

THE prime minister has responded to the northern rail crisis by ordering locals off trains and back on narrowboats where they belong. 

Only 17 massive new problems with Brexit discovered today

ONLY 17 immense Brexit problems have emerged in the last 24 hours, an upbeat Theresa May has confirmed.

House of Lords only senile old bastards in country who don't back Brexit

THE House of Lords has shocked Britain by being full of senile old bastards who are not backing Brexit. 

Piss off you old ratbag it's my go, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has decided he may as well just tell the prime minister to piss off.

Brexiter discovers 'House of Lords'

THERE is apparently a ‘House of Lords’ which should be abolished immediately, a Brexiter has discovered. 

I can't believe that f**king worked, says May

THERESA May is stunned that Amber Rudd's resignation caused everyone to forget the Windrush deportations were entirely her idea, she had admitted.

Are you a liar or just incompetent? Take our test to find out

IN OUR busy modern world, it can be hard to tell if you're a liar or just flat-out incompetent. Answer these simple questions to find out.

Roy Chubby Brown confirmed as new home secretary

COMEDIAN Roy Chubby Brown is the new home secretary, Theresa May has confirmed.

Corbyn asks Jewish people to stop being bad

JEREMY Corbyn is meeting Jewish groups to ask them to stop being bad people and provoking his supporters.

Amateur football team loses 15-0 after letting Corbyn join in

JEREMY Corbyn is not very good at helping his own team win at football, an amateur side has discovered.

Most Britons think 'The Good Friday Agreement' was presented by Chris Evans

TWO decades on from the Good Friday Agreement, most Britons think it was a telly programme with Chris Evans. 

New centrist party to unite all the shittest bits of UK politics

A PARTY that sat between the Conservatives and Labour on the political spectrum would be a strange hybrid of the worse parts of both of them, it has been confirmed.