Politics Headlines

Theresa May not speaking to public until they say sorry

THE prime minister is pointedly not speaking to the people of Britain until they apologise to her, and is furious that they do not seem to have noticed.

Boris charm officially runs out

BORIS Johnson's comic persona is officially past its sell-by date, experts have confirmed.

All fish to be granted UK passports

EVERY fish in the world has been declared a subject of Her Majesty the Queen.

No hard feelings about that austerity thing, eh? say Tories

SEVEN years of unnecessarily brutal economic policies were no big deal and Britain should just move on now, Tory leaders have explained.

Did you forget I’m a hard Brexit madman? asks Corbyn

JEREMY Corbyn has reminded the nation that he too is a hard Brexit fanatic, despite seeming nice and having a beard.

Jacob Rees-Mogg sent from 1923 to save Conservative Party

JACOB Rees-Mogg was sent from the year 1923 to stop the Conservatives from being destroyed, it has emerged.

Britain breathes sigh of relief as quick-thinking May narrowly averts public sector pay disaster

THERESA May has saved Britain once again by acting decisively to rescue the country from the threatened catastrophe of firefighters being paid more.

We are ideologically opposed to fixing any problems, say Tories

THE Conservative party has confirmed it is opposed, on both a theoretical and practical level, to solving any of the problems faced by modern Britain.