Politics Headlines

Ten Tory candidates sent to country house to start murdering each other

THE ten candidates to become prime minister have been sent to a country house to be picked off one by one by whichever of them is secretly the killer.

Tax cuts but - get this - for the rich, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has blindsided rivals for the Tory leadership by proposing tax cuts but – let this sink in – for the already wealthy. 

Gove somehow maintaining unnaturally high level of confidence

MICHAEL Gove remains manically convinced nothing can stop him becoming Tory leader though nobody knows where he is getting his confidence from. 

'Nobody’s in charge, do what you f**king like'

Yesterday, I handed in my notice as Conservative leader. Now, nobody is in charge and you can do whatever you fucking want.

Trump praises Johnson, Farage, Lord Haw-Haw and Jack the Ripper

PRESIDENT Trump has told media that Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, Lord Haw-Haw and Jack the Ripper are all great guys who he could do a great deal with.

Donald Trump's guide to being the perfect guest

WHEN you’re the world’s most important leader, with the highest poll numbers, everyone wants you to visit their country. I have a very good relationship with the Queen of England.

Boris is such a liar, says Gove

MICHAEL Gove has confirmed that Boris Johnson is the most appalling liar.

Tommy Robinson's guide to coping with rejection

LIKE a lot of renowned hard men, I have a sensitive side. And when I’m hurt, for example when I only win 2.2 per cent of the vote and lose five fucking grand, I have to know how to move on.

Nigel Farage announces Tory leadership bid

NIGEL Farage has announced that he has entered the race to lead the Conservative party.

'My only consolation is that whoever follows me will be far worse'

A GREAT many unkind things have been said about me since my resignation on Friday. I have been called dishonest, ill-prepared, deluded and hopeless.

Now do Corbyn, says Britain

THE British public has welcomed the long overdue resignation of Theresa May and asked Jeremy Corbyn to hand his in next.

Britain demands oaf

BORIS Johnson will become Prime Minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.