THE ten candidates to become prime minister have been sent to a country house to be picked off one by one by whichever of them is secretly the killer.
BORIS Johnson has blindsided rivals for the Tory leadership by proposing tax cuts but – let this sink in – for the already wealthy.
MICHAEL Gove remains manically convinced nothing can stop him becoming Tory leader though nobody knows where he is getting his confidence from.
Yesterday, I handed in my notice as Conservative leader. Now, nobody is in charge and you can do whatever you fucking want.
PRESIDENT Trump has told media that Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, Lord Haw-Haw and Jack the Ripper are all great guys who he could do a great deal with.
WHEN you’re the world’s most important leader, with the highest poll numbers, everyone wants you to visit their country. I have a very good relationship with the Queen of England.
MICHAEL Gove has confirmed that Boris Johnson is the most appalling liar.
LIKE a lot of renowned hard men, I have a sensitive side. And when I’m hurt, for example when I only win 2.2 per cent of the vote and lose five fucking grand, I have to know how to move on.
NIGEL Farage has announced that he has entered the race to lead the Conservative party.
A GREAT many unkind things have been said about me since my resignation on Friday. I have been called dishonest, ill-prepared, deluded and hopeless.
THE British public has welcomed the long overdue resignation of Theresa May and asked Jeremy Corbyn to hand his in next.
BORIS Johnson will become Prime Minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.