A PRIME minister whose position is proof that Britain makes f**king terrible decisions has told us to ‘use our own judgment’ over Christmas.
BREXIT’S going tits-up, and it can’t be your fault because you voted Leave. Wayne Hayes explains who to point the finger at for undermining our sovereignty.
THE EU keeps imposing deadlines like idiots who don’t know they’re up against the most experienced deadline-dodger in politics. Here’s how I mock them.
THE prime minister is today expected to rise late, enjoy a lengthy lunch, lie about farting then remember his Brexit deadline at approximately 4pm.
THE fate of the whole UK depends on Boris Johnson taking a woman to dinner, listening to what she says and taking it seriously.
ORDERED to cry on telly by Downing Street PR, even though you’ve spent nine months feeling so sorry for yourself you no longer have tears left?
BORIS Johnson has threatened the EU with severing his own penis unless he is given the free trade deal he wants.
THE only benefit Britain will realise from Brexit is that 16 million people can enjoy saying ‘Told you so,’ experts have confirmed.
THERE are only 36 shopping days until Christmas is cancelled. Joking! But assuming it does happen, how does one go about shopping for an indeterminate number of kids?
OUR police and teachers are the backbone of society, out there on the frontlines when so many are cowering at home. That’s why I, Rishi Sunak, think they’ve earned every penny of their pay freeze.
THE prime minister has announced plans to cause thousands of avoidable deaths in a scheme he calls ‘saving Christmas’.
JEREMY Corbyn has been reinstated to the Labour party after purging all anti-semitism from his system with a 19-day binge.