Politics Headlines

You could have had Brexit by now if you hadn't been such d*cks about it

BRITAIN’S Remain voters have pointed out that Brexit could have happened ages ago if Brexiters had not been such twats about it.

Five historical events that Boris Johnson would have pushed through in three days

THE withdrawal agreement should take weeks to pass, but Boris Johnson has sworn to do it in 72 hours. What other historical drags could he have rushed through?

Five things Brexiters believe that they think we all believe

BREXIT is about belief. But Brexiters not only believe in Brexit, they have a few other beliefs that they think we all share, but we don’t. Here’s a few of them:

Brexit: Uh? Whuh? What the f**king f**k now?

THEY promised Brexit would be over after this weekend’s double-length big Saturday finale, and it isn’t. Here’s what might happen next.

I've sent the letter but I haven't signed it, says petty little twat

THE spiteful little w*nker running the country has sent a letter to the EU asking for a Brexit extension but has sulkily refused to sign it.

Rees-Mogg arrives at Commons in trainers, track pants, and sleeveless 'SQUAT GOALS' top

LEADER of the Commons Jacob Rees-Mogg has arrived at Westminster in his gym clothes because it is Saturday, he has confirmed.

Will Boris Johnson make it down the narrow pathway to a Brexit deal, or toss himself off?

THE prime minister has two choices. To edge down the narrow pathway to a Brexit deal, or to commit an act of self-abuse that will ruin everything. Which will he choose?

How to put yourself on a 'Brexit diet'

DO YOU know full well that Brexit is ruining your health, but obsessively seek out every little crumb of news about it anyway? Here’s how to wean yourself off.

The Remainer's guide to what's wrong with this whole 'deal pathway'

BORIS Johnson claims to be able to see his way to a Brexit deal, which would leave you looking a right d*ck. Here’s how to find fault.

The Chronicles of Jacob Rees-Mogg

Being an Account of how a Gentleman may spend his Days, for the Edification of the Troglodytic Classes

Johnson's foreign policy 'entirely based on 70s war comics'

BORIS Johnson’s strategy for dealing with other countries is based on his collection of children’s war comics, he has revealed.

Five people who would make better caretaker prime ministers than Jeremy Corbyn

THE Liberal Democrats are determined to stop Jeremy Corbyn becoming temporary prime minister, even if it risks a no-deal Brexit. Who would be a better choice?