Politics Headlines

Everyone in Britain promises anything at all if May resigns

EVERY last living person in Britain has promised to do everything Theresa May asks of them the moment that she resigns.

Elderly rich white men almost ready to sort this shit out

A GANG of elderly rich white men are just about ready to step in and sort out this mess that was definitely not the fault of any elderly rich white men.

I've got a Brexit idea I think you'll love, May tells Parliament

THE prime minister has contacted Parliament with an innovative and fresh idea of how to take Brexit forward that she would just love them to consider.

F**king hell we could have just brought back hanging, say Tories

SENIOR Conservatives have regretfully realised a referendum on capital punishment would probably have served the same purpose as Brexit.

No-deal Brexit will be easy because MP with balloon for a head was in the TA

A NO-DEAL Brexit will be a doddle because a Tory MP with a balloon for a head has served in the Territorial Army, it has been confirmed.  

Brexit Mount Rushmore to feature carved heads of Jim Davidson, Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley and Ian Botham

A PLANNED Brexit Mount Rushmore to be carved into the white cliffs of Dover will feature Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley, Jim Davidson and Ian Botham.

May loads Skoda Yeti with bogroll at Belgian hypermarket

THERESA May has been stockpiling toilet roll during her latest trip to Brussels.

Nine f**king days left

THERE are nine – nine! – fucking days left until economic armageddon and still the same shit is going on, Britain has realised.

Defeat-addicted government doesn't know where to go for next fix

THE government has admitted it is addicted to parliamentary defeats and is already jonesing for another one.

I only smirked because it was f**king hilarious, says Bercow

THE Speaker of the House has clarified that he only smirked when cancelling a third Brexit vote yesterday because it was so incredibly funny.

Brexit marchers demand emergency airdrop from EU

HUNGRY, exhausted Brexit marchers have demanded an emergency airdrop of food, shoes and clothing from the EU if they are to continue. 

So what exactly is a 'tariff'? ask Brexit voters

BREXIT voters have asked what a ‘tariff' is after discovering the term this morning.