Politics Headlines

Tory conference breaks record for most bastards in one place

THE Conservative party conference has won a place in the Guinness Book of Records for fitting the largest number of total bastards into one location.

Thank goodness women can't vote, says Johnson

BORIS Johnson is relieved that women still do not have the vote, it has emerged.

Five things Boris Johnson does that would land anyone else in the sh*t

ARE you amazed at Boris Johnson’s ability to do terrible things with no repercussions? Here’s what would happen if you tried.

Johnson or Corbyn – which would you rather have as your neighbour in a 70s sitcom?

ONE is an outdated relic from 70s sitcom Citizen Smith, the other an outdated relic from 70s sitcom Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em. But which would make the best neighbour?

Aw look, it's likkle teeny-weeny cutesy-wutesy Trumpy-wumpy

THE British public is smiling indulgently at a cute little tiny wee baby Trump lookalike that has been performing in the House of Commons.

Has anyone ever f**ked things up as quickly as Boris Johnson?

AFTER two months as prime minister, Boris Johnson has lost his majority, every Commons vote and his prorogation. But has anyone been worse faster?

I outrank the Queen, claims Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has asserted that as Leader of the Commons and England’s greatest living Victorian, the Queen is his servant.

I will only give up when every person in Britain has personally told me to f**k off, says Johnson

BORIS Johnson has confirmed he will only end his premiership when every single one of the UK’s 65 million citizens has personally told him to f*ck off. 

Johnson beaten like a f**king gong

BORIS Johnson has been beaten by the supreme court like a f**king gong at dinnertime, it has emerged.

The circumstances that would force Boris Johnson to resign

BORIS Johnson will not resign if found to have lied to the Queen or about the other thing when as Mayor he gave cash to one of his shags. But what would make him?

The Brexiter's guide to misunderstanding democracy

ARE you a Brexiter unable to stop howling about democracy despite not knowing how it works? Here’s how to be a shouty, ill-informed w**ker.

Boris Johnson searching UK for place he won't get a boll*cking

THE prime minister is searching the whole of Britain to find a location he can visit without a member of the public tearing him a new ars*hole.