Politics Headlines

We've always cared about racism, say people who happen to hate Corbyn

EVERYONE accusing Jeremy Corbyn of tolerating anti-semitism has always been strongly opposed to prejudice in all its forms, they have announced.

Economy doing brilliantly if you compare it to 28 Days Later, says Hammond

BRITAIN'S economy is thriving in comparison to the virus-ravaged world depicted in the film 28 Days Later, Philip Hammond has announced.

May warns Russia to assassinate people more responsibly

THE government has warned Russia to be more careful when trying to kill people.

A spoonful of economic ruin is the medicine Britain needs, by Jacob Rees-Mogg

Due to cosy EU regulations on food standards, 'human rights' and the sickening affordability of foreign travel to the low-born, we have lost our British mettle.

Unite around my nutter's version of Brexit, May tells Britain

THE prime minister has told the UK to come together and unite behind a vision of Brexit which only a minority of nutters want.

Northern Ireland border could be beaded curtain, says government

THE government has suggested that the border between Ireland and Northern Ireland could be one of those beaded curtains popular in the 1970s. 

Labour unveils plan to stay in EU but be a bit arsey about it

LABOUR’S Brexit strategy is to stay in the EU but in a really grudging way and moan all the time, the party has announced.

Corbyn waiting at Dover to give signal to Czechoslovakian invaders

JEREMY Corbyn is hunkered down near the White Cliffs of Dover ready to send a signal to the secretly reunified country of Czechoslovakia to invade the United Kingdom.