Politics Headlines

The Tories' foolproof guide to governing by headlines

DO you think Britain should be governed purely on the basis of what gets positive headlines? Here junior minister Denys Finch Hatton explains the government’s winning strategy.

Trump's TV tells him to shut the f**k up

THE television that President Trump has been shouting at for the last week has unexpectedly told him to shut the f**k up. 

How to be an effective leader of the opposition, by Marcus Rashford

HI Keir. You’re an experienced politician and I’m a 23-year-old footballer, yet I’m much better than you at holding the government to account. Here are my tips on how it’s done.

Six normal activities that look absolutely ridiculous when Boris Johnson does them

BRITAIN’S prime minister not only looks a bumbling fool while attempting to lead the nation through crisis, but on all other occasions.

My ideal lockdown, by Priti Patel

IF I’ve got one complaint about lockdowns, it’s that they give people far too much personal freedom. My dream lockdown would be...

America takes lead from Britain in Dumbshit Olympics

AMERICA is once again leading Britain in the Dumbshit Olympic competition to decide the most idiotic country on the f**king Earth. 

The moron's guide to not voting for idiots

ARE you the sort of dunce who votes for arseholes like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump? Here are some questions to ask yourself before voting for them next time.

Donald Trump's guide to winking at the camera

HI, I’m US president Donald Trump and I’m going to let you into a little secret - some of the things I say, I don’t really mean. Here’s how I do it.

Five Brexit benefits they're not telling you about

JUST six days into Brexit, and the many positives the left-wing media aren’t telling you about are blindingly obvious. Norman Steele talks you through them.

I am so concerned for children's welfare, says Tory who voted to starve them two months ago

A CONSERVATIVE MP admitted she cannot rest for the thought of poor children losing their education, just two months after voting against them being fed.

Boris Johnson's guide to acting the prick in serious situations

WISH you had a devil-may-care buccaneering attitude like myself, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson? Here’s how to behave inappropriately even when locking down Britain.

Boris Johnson doing last-minute Christmas rom-com dash through airport to get f**k out of Britain

THE prime minister has been seen sprinting through a Christmas-decorated Heathrow after realising what he most desires in his heart of hearts is to get the f**k out of here.