Politics Headlines

Awaken me in 2170, says Rees-Mogg from family vault

JACOB Rees-Mogg has retired to the family vault to wait out the next 150 years until humanity has recovered enough to deserve him again.

Britain scores the highest death toll in Europe and still the whinging carpers have nothing positive to say, by Dominic Raab

IS it impossible for the Left to be positive? Are they so blinded by ideology they can’t recognise this government’s achievements?

Iain Duncan Smith’s bookshelf has 54 leather-bound volumes of Fiesta

THE bookshelf of Sir Iain Duncan Smith has a full run of British pornographic magazine Fiesta hand-bound in leather, photos have confirmed.

UK has contingency plan ready if Boris makes a good decision

THE government has confirmed they have contingency plans in place in case Boris Johnson begins making good decisions.

Boris Johnson’s guide to baby names

IS Winston Zipwire Johnson too much? Here are some other names for my new son that will start him on the road to greatness.

How to pretend everything’s going well when it obviously isn’t, by Matt Hancock

ARE you responsible for something very important and it’s turned into a total shitshow? Here’s how to try and convince yourself and others that everything’s fine.

Tests that are more reliable than the coronavirus one: a UK government guide

BY the time testing is reliably rolled out, either the crisis, or the world, might have ended. Here are some tests that are more dependable than the UK government’s current offering.

All the government's coronavirus f**k-ups, a timeline

LOSING track of exactly which government f**k-up came when? Follow our pandemic timeline.

Keeping Britons alive with EU medical equipment would be treason, explains government

THE government has explained that using EU-procured medical equipment to save British lives would be high treason punishable by death.

I'm not a hawk I'm a vulture, says Priti Patel

THE home secretary has clarified that she is neither a cabinet hawk or a cabinet dove but a evil cabinet vulture.

Is Boris Johnson a hoax?

BORIS Johnson is – supposedly – the prime minister. But is the entire thing just a hoax played on a guillible country? These are the clues.

Government announces four more weeks of lockdown for Britain and 44 more weeks of lockdown for Priti Patel

THE government has signalled that Britain could face another four weeks of lockdown, and Priti Patel could face a further 40 after that.