Politics Headlines

I can also do fascism, confirms Boris

BORIS Johnson has confirmed that if the British people want a fascist in charge he is happy to oblige.

May told pact with Corbyn could destroy Tories so could she please get on with it

THERESA May has been told that a Brexit deal with Jeremy Corbyn could tear the Conservatives apart and that would be cool.

Brexit now bigger mess than Stone Roses second album

BRITONS fear Brexit and its eventual delivery will be a disjointed mess that will make the Stone Roses’ Second Coming seem good.

Useless MPs fail to do in two days what government hasn't managed in three years

INEFFECTUAL MPs have been condemned for their failure to come up with a Brexit solution in two days by a government that has not done so in three years.

Greatest obstacle to believing in Britain 'twats like Boris'

THE UK public has admitted they could 'believe in Britain' if twats like Boris Johnson did not stand a chance of leading it. 

Brexiter looks out at Britain still slaving under the yoke of unspeakable tyranny

A BREXITER who hoped this morning would be his first in a free Britain has instead woken up to another day as a serf in a vassal state.

How to climb down gracefully from being a rabid Brexiter

HAVE you spent three years accusing anyone who’s ever been to France of being a traitor, but now realise you’ll be destitute by summer if we leave?

Jacob Rees-Mogg accepts the Colonies are lost

JACOB Rees-Mogg has shocked critics by reversing his long-held position that the Thirteen Colonies of the US must be retaken by Britain.

Everyone in Britain promises anything at all if May resigns

EVERY last living person in Britain has promised to do everything Theresa May asks of them the moment that she resigns.

Elderly rich white men almost ready to sort this shit out

A GANG of elderly rich white men are just about ready to step in and sort out this mess that was definitely not the fault of any elderly rich white men.

I've got a Brexit idea I think you'll love, May tells Parliament

THE prime minister has contacted Parliament with an innovative and fresh idea of how to take Brexit forward that she would just love them to consider.

F**king hell we could have just brought back hanging, say Tories

SENIOR Conservatives have regretfully realised a referendum on capital punishment would probably have served the same purpose as Brexit.