Politics Headlines

Trump praises Johnson, Farage, Lord Haw-Haw and Jack the Ripper

PRESIDENT Trump has told media that Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, Lord Haw-Haw and Jack the Ripper are all great guys who he could do a great deal with.

Donald Trump's guide to being the perfect guest

WHEN you’re the world’s most important leader, with the highest poll numbers, everyone wants you to visit their country. I have a very good relationship with the Queen of England.

Boris is such a liar, says Gove

MICHAEL Gove has confirmed that Boris Johnson is the most appalling liar.

Tommy Robinson's guide to coping with rejection

LIKE a lot of renowned hard men, I have a sensitive side. And when I’m hurt, for example when I only win 2.2 per cent of the vote and lose five fucking grand, I have to know how to move on.

Nigel Farage announces Tory leadership bid

NIGEL Farage has announced that he has entered the race to lead the Conservative party.

'My only consolation is that whoever follows me will be far worse'

A GREAT many unkind things have been said about me since my resignation on Friday. I have been called dishonest, ill-prepared, deluded and hopeless.

Now do Corbyn, says Britain

THE British public has welcomed the long overdue resignation of Theresa May and asked Jeremy Corbyn to hand his in next.

Britain demands oaf

BORIS Johnson will become Prime Minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.

Tory MPs begin search for vaguely competent bastard

CONSERVATIVE MPs are hoping to replace Theresa May with someone who is just as cynical and nasty but not really bad at absolutely everything.  

Anything that touches Theresa May's new Brexit plan will die, doctors warn

DOCTORS have confirmed that the prime minister’s new Brexit plan is so extravagantly toxic that any living thing that touches it will die.

Gunge Tank on Noel's House Party was also liberal intolerance, Farage confirms

NIGEL Farage has confirmed that the Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also an example of radical Remainers exercising liberal intolerance.

Six things to have in your kitchen if you want to be Tory leader

HAVE you arranged a cosy kitchen photoshoot to prove that you’re an ordinary, decent person who would do a great job running the country? Here’s what to pose with.