JEREMY Corbyn has lined up seven marrows at his allotment, spoken to them in angry tones then smashed them with a spade, observers confirmed.
A SPLIT in the Labour party today means both of Britain’s leading political parties will spend all their time constantly denouncing traitors.
WITH only 44 days left until an Article 50 extension is forced by parliament, the EU, Theresa May or all three, the public cannot stop watching the countdown.
TRADE secretary Liam Fox has signed trade deals worth more than £4.8 billion with countries which do not exist, he has triumphantly announced.
JACOB Rees-Mogg has confirmed that he is definitely going to hell.
POPE Francis of Rome will have no role in checking vehicles entering and leaving Northern Ireland, Theresa May has assured the DUP.
THE prime minister has advised Britain that whoever got them this Brexit deal ‘must have been a right cowboy’ and promised to get a better one.
A SECOND referendum will ask voters if they want everything to be brilliant from now on or if they are against that.
THERESA May has confirmed that she will take the same plan back to Brussels to ask for the same changes before the same MPs vote on it the same way.
THE UK has once again thanked the DUP for ensuring Britain has a strong and stable government.
BRITAIN has agreed that Theresa May's humiliating defeat is undeniable evidence of karma.
THE UK’s political leaders have ruled out the Brexit deal, a no-deal Brexit, a second referendum, a general election, remaining in the EU and continuing the current situation.