Politics Headlines

'If you imagine there is a woman beneath me, and I go up and down' explains Johnson

BORIS Johnson has demonstrated his legendary lovemaking technique to Mail readers who could not adore him more.

Embattled housing secretary pulls ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card by saying it was Cummings's idea

ROBERT Jenrick has curtailed any possible criticism for granting billionaires favours for cash by claiming Dominic Cummings said it was okay.

The roadmap to a triumphant photo-op of the prime minister pulling a pint

THE Conservatives have outlined their roadmap to the photo opportunity of Boris Johnson behind a bar pulling a pint that means this crisis is over.

How to pretend it wasn't a U-turn

COMPLETELY changed your mind in 24 hours, making transport secretary Grant Shapps look a dick again? Pretend you didn’t:

F**king footballers have more claim to moral high ground than government

PREMIER League footballers, widely acknowledged as the worst people in society, are now more decent than the f**king government.

Confused Neanderthals gather around monolith

A GROUP of Neanderthal men milled uneasily around a mysterious monolith that appeared overnight in Parliament Square on Saturday.

Dominic Cummings is your new stepdad

DOMINIC Cummings, the chief adviser to the prime minister, is at your mum’s house and has announced he is your new step-father.

How to talk bollocks about Black Lives Matter

DETERMINED to have an opinion about Black Lives Matter protests but woefully ill-informed? Share these moronic opinions.

Protesters no better than the 'thugs of the Bullingdon Club', says Johnson

BORIS Johnson has condemned the ‘thugs’ who have ‘subverted’ Black Lives Matter protests as ‘no better than the mindless vandals of the Bullingdon Club’.

I got away with it, by Dominic Cummings

I TOTALLY got away with it. You thought I wouldn’t. You said I wouldn’t. You wrote big articles about how I wouldn’t. But guess what, f**kers? I did.

Starmer outrages Britain with sickeningly partisan suggestion that things aren't going brilliantly

LABOUR leader Keir Starmer has alienated ordinary Britons with a vicious and destablising attack on the government which is only doing its best.

How is Jacob Rees-Mogg trolling everyone today?

JACOB Rees-Mogg is back on his bullshit, but what is the professional troll up to today?