WHERE is the Boris Johnson I voted for? The Boris of bounce, of exuberance, of childlike glee and crazy risks, the Boris unafraid to sow his wild oats?
THE UK has apologised for the prime minister for the momentary error it made in the polling booth last December which it will rectify as soon as possible.
RAIL franchises are being scrapped, but rest assured you’ll still be getting the shitehouse train service that is every Briton’s birthright.
DO you know how long I’ve wanted to be prime minister? My whole life. And I finally get here and what happens? You, the British people, seem determined to ruin it.
PATRIOTISM, family, security: Starmer’s version of Labour sounds well Tory. Here’s how to spot the difference.
MICHAEL Gove has ordered Britain to work from pubs, drink in the office and only meet members of their household outside.
DO YOU think you could live comfortably on the prime minister’s £150,000 salary? Think again. Boris Johnson explains how hard it is.
THE UK’s status as officially f**ked and its leadership by total f**knuts could be connected, it has emerged.
HATING your job? Pay too low? House cramped? Didn’t really plan on living with a newborn when you were 56? With this and more you too can look a f**king state.
BRITAIN’S current crisis is the result of voters failing to understand important issues, experts claim. So are you one of Britain’s thick-as-pigshit voters?
BRITISH law now only applies to you if you ticked the box when you were filling in the form, it has emerged.
THE Government has announced it will break the law to do something it wants to do. When can you do the same?
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