Politics Headlines

You do know we vote, say middle-class coke users

MIDDLE-CLASS cocaine users targeted by the government have politely reminded them that they vote in every election and usually swing Tory. 

Tory conference enters Guinness Book of Records for most bastards in one place

THE Conservative party conference has won a place in The Guinness Book of Records for fitting the largest number of total bastards into one location.

Which of the Tories' big conference ideas are you?

THE Conservative party conference is here, and with it a whole load of incredibly shit ideas. But which of these panicked regurgitations of Thatcherism are you? 

UK can't understand why May announcing vote-winning plan to slash corporation tax quietly in New York

BRITAIN cannot see why Theresa May is announcing plans to slash corporation tax, sure to be acclaimed by ordinary voters, discreetly in New York. 

Labour to give employees shares in company they f**king hate

LABOUR have announced their new policy to give all employees shares in the businesses they work for, despise and want to see destroyed. 

Labour Party unveils 24-foot bronze statue of brave and noble leader Corbyn

THE Labour Party has confirmed the smelting of a 24 foot bronze statue of Jeremy Corbyn in which he will be either handing out bread or banging his left fist into his right hand.

I quit last week, says May

THERESA May has informed Brexiters plotting a coup against her that she walked out a week ago and nobody even noticed. 

Rees-Mogg admits to affair with Queen Victoria

THE Tories are facing a fresh scandal after Jacob Rees-Mogg confessed to a passionate affair with 19th century monarch Queen Victoria.