Politics Headlines

The Conservative candidate's guide to the unemployed

IS your firm conviction that people on benefits should be ‘put down’, as Tory candidate Francesca O’Brien said, going over badly on the doorsteps? Try these ideas:

Middle class drunks press-ganged into becoming Brexit Party candidates

MIDDLE class drunks are being dragged from their homes and signed up as Brexit Party candidates for the general election.

Click this link and the election will be over

ALL you have to do is click this link and the general election will be over. Go on. Do it.

Brexiter keeps peeking out window to see if Britain has exploded

A 52-YEAR-OLD man his peeking out the window every 1o minutes to see if the riots have begun on his road.

Brexiter looks out at Britain still slaving under the yoke of unspeakable tyranny

A BREXITER who hoped this morning would be his first in a free Britain has instead woken up to another day as a serf in a vassal state.

The guide to pretending you've got a f**king clue what's going to happen

NOBODY has a bloody clue what is going to happen in December’s election, and it’s pointless pretending otherwise. Here’s how you can.

Johnson to campaign on leaving EU on October 31st no matter what

BORIS Johnson is to centre his election campaign around his do-or-die promise that Britain will leave the EU on October 31st this year.

'More politics? How absolutely f**king fantastic', says Britain

AN ECSTATIC Britain has thanked MPs for calling an early general election because it just cannot get enough of politicians on the news.

All the reasons why it's not Boris's fault

BORIS Johnson became prime minister on the back of a firm commitment to leave the EU on October 31st, which we won’t be. But it’s not his fault.

Is there a chance Brexit isn't working because it's total sh*t? ask Remainers

REMAIN voters have put forward the tentative theory that Brexit may not be working out because it is fundamentally flawed and pointless.

The conditions attached to the EU's latest Brexit extension

THE EU has granted Britain a third Brexit extension, this one for just three months. But a number of stringent conditions are attached.

You could have had Brexit by now if you hadn't been such d*cks about it

BRITAIN’S Remain voters have pointed out that Brexit could have happened ages ago if Brexiters had not been such twats about it.