Politics Headlines

We've got your cat, May tells Barnier

THERESA May has kidnapped Michel Barnier’s cat to use as a bargaining chip in Brexit negotiations.

May hoping to get better Brexit deal in January sales

THERESA May believes she can get a more economical Brexit deal in the January sales, it has emerged.

Second referendum would 'break faith with people who want me executed', says May

THE prime minister has warned that a second referendum would 'break faith' with those members of the British public who want her executed as a traitor. 

Five ways forward for Theresa May

THE Brexit impasse has left the prime minister looking short of options, with her deal certain to be defeated whenever a vote is held. So where should she go from here?

'Nanny!' screams Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has screamed for his nanny after soiling himself in the House of Commons.

This is what happens whenever posh twats are in charge, say experts

A HISTORIAN has confirmed that Britain ends up in a fucking mess whenever we make the mistake of putting posh people in charge.

Man who voted Brexit 'just to stir things up' more than happy

A MAN who voted Leave ‘just to shake things up a bit’ has proclaimed himself delighted with events so far. 

Vote for vote may trigger votes then vote followed by other vote

TONIGHT’S confidence vote may trigger a leadership vote in the Commons followed by a vote of Conservative members then a referendum, say experts. 

May pledges to hunt down the f*cknut who triggered Article 50

THE prime minister has vowed to find the 'fucknut' who triggered Article 50 when it was perfectly obvious we needed more time.

Rees-Mogg secretly celebrates 250th birthday

JACOB Rees-Mogg has celebrated his 250th birthday in the remote country house where he was born in 1768.

Next Tory leader to be someone you hate even more

BOOKMAKERS have confirmed that whoever the next Conservative leader is, it will be someone you hate even more than the present one. 

Only people who still want Brexit are inexplicably angry posh couple with two labradors

NOBODY can be arsed with Brexit except an angry upper class couple with multiple dogs, it has emerged.