Politics Headlines

Rees-Mogg arrives at Commons in trainers, track pants, and sleeveless 'SQUAT GOALS' top

LEADER of the Commons Jacob Rees-Mogg has arrived at Westminster in his gym clothes because it is Saturday, he has confirmed.

Will Boris Johnson make it down the narrow pathway to a Brexit deal, or toss himself off?

THE prime minister has two choices. To edge down the narrow pathway to a Brexit deal, or to commit an act of self-abuse that will ruin everything. Which will he choose?

How to put yourself on a 'Brexit diet'

DO YOU know full well that Brexit is ruining your health, but obsessively seek out every little crumb of news about it anyway? Here’s how to wean yourself off.

The Remainer's guide to what's wrong with this whole 'deal pathway'

BORIS Johnson claims to be able to see his way to a Brexit deal, which would leave you looking a right d*ck. Here’s how to find fault.

The Chronicles of Jacob Rees-Mogg

Being an Account of how a Gentleman may spend his Days, for the Edification of the Troglodytic Classes

Johnson's foreign policy 'entirely based on 70s war comics'

BORIS Johnson’s strategy for dealing with other countries is based on his collection of children’s war comics, he has revealed.

Five people who would make better caretaker prime ministers than Jeremy Corbyn

THE Liberal Democrats are determined to stop Jeremy Corbyn becoming temporary prime minister, even if it risks a no-deal Brexit. Who would be a better choice?

Johnson doesn't know meaning of 'favourable treatment', says anyone who's slept with him

BORIS Johnson’s lovers have confirmed that Jennifer Arcuri cannot have received 'favourable treatment' because he does not know what it means.

Idiots still calling Johnson 'Boris'

IDIOT voters, pundits and broadcasters are still referring to the prime minister as ‘Boris’ as if he were a cuddly children’s toy not a neo-fascist monster.

Remainer stockpiling self-righteousness for no-deal Brexit

A KEEN Remainer is stockpiling self-righteousness in his garage in preparation for a no-deal Brexit.

Tory conference ends with obligatory destruction of nearby comprehensive school

THE Tory Party Conference is to finish with the obligatory demolition of a local comprehensive school.

Tory conference breaks record for most bastards in one place

THE Conservative party conference has won a place in the Guinness Book of Records for fitting the largest number of total bastards into one location.