WHEN you’re the world’s most important leader, with the highest poll numbers, everyone wants you to visit their country. I have a very good relationship with the Queen of England.
MICHAEL Gove has confirmed that Boris Johnson is the most appalling liar.
LIKE a lot of renowned hard men, I have a sensitive side. And when I’m hurt, for example when I only win 2.2 per cent of the vote and lose five fucking grand, I have to know how to move on.
NIGEL Farage has announced that he has entered the race to lead the Conservative party.
A GREAT many unkind things have been said about me since my resignation on Friday. I have been called dishonest, ill-prepared, deluded and hopeless.
THE British public has welcomed the long overdue resignation of Theresa May and asked Jeremy Corbyn to hand his in next.
BORIS Johnson will become Prime Minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.
CONSERVATIVE MPs are hoping to replace Theresa May with someone who is just as cynical and nasty but not really bad at absolutely everything.
DOCTORS have confirmed that the prime minister’s new Brexit plan is so extravagantly toxic that any living thing that touches it will die.
NIGEL Farage has confirmed that the Gunge Tank on Noel’s House Party was also an example of radical Remainers exercising liberal intolerance.
HAVE you arranged a cosy kitchen photoshoot to prove that you’re an ordinary, decent person who would do a great job running the country? Here’s what to pose with.
THROUGHOUT history, evil men have led nations into war, slaughtered their own people and doomed generations to slavery. But could today’s advanced thick shake technology have stopped them?