THE European Union has agreed not to look while the UK spends the next week soiling itself.
EVERY single one of the UK’s 17.4 million Leave voters is to get a tax-free lump sum of £1,000 to spend on chips.
EVERYONE has agreed to quietly sweep the referendum result under the carpet, it has been confirmed.
A LEAVE supporter cannot remember if he is actually against Britain’s EU membership or if he just says he is to wind up Remainers.
TOMMY Robinson has confirmed that, while he has been banned from Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, he continues to be available in his shed.
THE UK has agreed that the fucking meerkat from those bollocks website adverts would do a better job of Brexit than Theresa May.
A SECOND Brexit referendum could leave Britain hopelessly divided in bitter, entrenched opposition, warn idiots who have noticed nothing since 2016.
THE eighth Labour MP to quit for the independent group admitted she was meant to leave on Monday but it had been a big weekend.
BITTER infighting over Europe has led Conservatives to question whether it was a good idea to join a party known for being horrible to people.
JEREMY Corbyn has lined up seven marrows at his allotment, spoken to them in angry tones then smashed them with a spade, observers confirmed.
A SPLIT in the Labour party today means both of Britain’s leading political parties will spend all their time constantly denouncing traitors.
WITH only 44 days left until an Article 50 extension is forced by parliament, the EU, Theresa May or all three, the public cannot stop watching the countdown.