The Conservative Party will fight the next election promising to reintroduce the public strangling of traffic wardens and the legalisation of environmentally-friendly goat sex.
BORIS Johnson has kick-started his mayoral campaign by describing Londoners as 'ghastly, eel-breathed troglodytes'.
BRITAIN and America have announced a trial separation during which they will be free to see other countries.
PRIME minister Gordon Brown has thrown his weight behind a series of huge 24-hour super-musuems to regenerate Britain's deprived urban areas.
TONY Blair's decision to go to war in Iraq, "couldn't have been easier", according to his former spin doctor Alastair Campbell.
IN his first official act as Secretary of State for International Development, Douglas Alexander is to spend the summer with his pen pal in Bulgaria.
BRITAIN was basked in a golden glow of happy sunshine yesterday as Gordon Brown finally became Prime Minister.
TONY Blair was thrilled last night after only 75% of Daily Mash readers said he would be remembered as a "fecking twunt".
SMERSH assassin Rosa Klebb is the new deputy leader of the Labour Party after a closely fought contest in which she killed all of her rivals.
LORD Ashdown has accused the Labour Party of playing politics with his feet after he was offered a vigorous massage by Gordon Brown.
TONY Blair is to return all his Agent Provocateur crotchless panties in protest at the saucy lingerie brand founder’s decision to reject his MBE.
GORDON Brown will appoint Alan Milburn as his official Enemy in Cabinet when he takes over as Prime Minister next week.