GEORGE Osborne has admitted to being a political idiot.
CHANCELLOR Philip Hammond has predicted an economic boom after a dream he had about electric unicorns.
BRITAIN is f**ked into a cocked hat because the former leader of the Labour Party did not know how to eat bacon, experts have confirmed.
THERESA May is allowed to keep her position as universally loathed shit-shoveller until the shit is shovelled, the Conservatives have confirmed.
THE ghost of a Victorian child has distanced herself and her era from the cruel policies of Jacob Rees-Mogg.
THE government has postponed the rollout of universal credit until it can be lost among all of its other upcoming serious fuck-ups.
BORIS Johnson has just come straight out and confirmed that he is Winston Churchill.
TORY MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has claimed Brexit Britain will be a ‘roaring success’ as long as the country ‘gives no quarter to assorted rapscallions’.
THE prime minister is to enliven her speech by bringing out a goat dressed as Boris Johnson then strangling it.
MIDDLE-CLASS cocaine users targeted by the government have politely reminded them that they vote in every election and usually swing Tory.
THE Conservative party conference has won a place in The Guinness Book of Records for fitting the largest number of total bastards into one location.
THE Conservative party conference is here, and with it a whole load of incredibly shit ideas. But which of these panicked regurgitations of Thatcherism are you?