Politics Headlines

Karma, agrees Britain

BRITAIN has agreed that Theresa May's humiliating defeat is undeniable evidence of karma.

All options ruled out

THE UK’s political leaders have ruled out the Brexit deal, a no-deal Brexit, a second referendum, a general election, remaining in the EU and continuing the current situation.

Man keeps peeking out window to see if riots have started yet

A 52-YEAR-OLD man his peeking out the window every 1o minutes to see if the riots have begun on his road.

Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats 'not the best idea', admits May

CALLING half of UK voters losers who should shut their traitor mouths forever may not have been a brilliant idea, Theresa May has admitted.

'So, we're all agreed this is a great deal' confirms May

THERESA May is happy that everyone thinks her Brexit deal is brilliant in every possible way.

What sort of shit sandwich do you want? asks May

THERESA May has generously offered Britain a choice between a shit sandwich and a particularly nasty shit sandwich.

We've got your cat, May tells Barnier

THERESA May has kidnapped Michel Barnier’s cat to use as a bargaining chip in Brexit negotiations.

May hoping to get better Brexit deal in January sales

THERESA May believes she can get a more economical Brexit deal in the January sales, it has emerged.

Second referendum would 'break faith with people who want me executed', says May

THE prime minister has warned that a second referendum would 'break faith' with those members of the British public who want her executed as a traitor. 

Five ways forward for Theresa May

THE Brexit impasse has left the prime minister looking short of options, with her deal certain to be defeated whenever a vote is held. So where should she go from here?

'Nanny!' screams Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has screamed for his nanny after soiling himself in the House of Commons.

This is what happens whenever posh twats are in charge, say experts

A HISTORIAN has confirmed that Britain ends up in a raging mess whenever we make the mistake of putting posh people in charge.