Salmond: I’m Bigger Than Jesus Now

SNP leader Alex Salmond provoked religious fury last night after announcing he was now more popular than Jesus Christ.

Salmond: supernatural astronaut

Church leaders were united in condemnation after Salmond compared himself to the son of god and suggested that Jesus would have found it difficult to cope with the rigours of a Scottish election campaign.

Salmond told reporters: "It's getting really crazy now. Women are screaming at the sight of me. People are giving me insane amounts of money.

"There's even a village in Lochaber where I'm worshiped as some kind of supernatural astronaut."

He added: "I'm starting to know what Jesus felt like. In fact, I doubt that even Jesus could have coped with this kind of attention."

But Church of Scotland Moderator, the Right Rev Alan McDonald, hit back with a passionate defence of the founder of Christianity. 

"I would remind Mr Salmond that Jesus had a very busy schedule. He performed several miracles, organised a large dinner party, was then nailed up, stabbed with a spear and still found time to conquer death.

"So I'm quite sure he could survive a bit of glad-handing at Braehead shopping centre and half an hour with Bernard Ponsonby."