Wednesday, 5th August 2020

The Michael Gove/Rishi Sunak guide to why you should/shouldn't wear a mask in Pret

HELLO, I’m Michael Gove and/or Rishi Sunak, and I’d like to explain why it’s vital that you do/do not wear a mask while going in Pret. 

As you know, from next week facemasks are mandatory in shops. And some elements of the media have rightly/wrongly assumed that I/my respected colleague was sending the wrong message by not wearing a mask in Pret.

But they are the fools/entirely correct. Because Pret isn’t/is a shop.

No, the Pret A Manger chain can actually not be considered a shop in any way, except by the dunderheads of the press/the Treasury for business tax and VAT purposes.

It’s actually a cafe/uh? so I was perfectly within my rights not to wear a mask/I’m sorry, what? because I was only making a takeaway purchase/I haven’t agreed to this and it doesn’t make any sense.

If you think about it, there’s actually no way I could possibly infect anyone when just popping in for a humous and chipotle wrap/yes there is. Have we run this past Dom? Because it sounds like a Dom thing.

So that’s why my critics were wrong and all takeaway food suppliers are exempted from the mask requirement henceforward/really? Well I guess if Dom says it’s okay.

Now if you don’t mind, I must use the bathroom/yeah, I could use a line as well.