Three Year-Olds To Learn Klingon In Labour Manifesto Pledge

JACK McConnell unveiled Labour's Holyrood manifesto today with a commitment to improve the foreign language skills of Scotland's toddlers.

The Labour leader said: "Our infants are being left behind in the modern global economy.

McConnell: 'nuqdaq oh puchpa e'

"We must equip them with the skills they need to compete with tiny children in China and India.

"I want to see our toddlers learning difficult languages, not just French and German. Let's teach Klingon in nursery schools and show those little Chinese babies who they're up against."

He added: "I go around the world and see what they do in other nations and I always think to myself, 'why aren't they teaching these babies Klingon?'"

McConnell said there were no plans to improve the teaching of English as most commercial transactions in the 21st Century would be on a Klingon to Mandarin to Hindi to Klingon basis. 

 
THE REST OF THOSE LABOUR MANIFESTO HIGHLIGHTS….

  • Trombone lessons for all 13 year-olds

  • A ban on irresistible honey roasted cashew nuts

  • Council tax to be replaced with Harry Potter and the Local Services Charge

  • A ban on Walter Matthau films

  • Anti-social teenagers forced to live in the sewers

  • A ban on feeling uncomfortable about certain things