Tories Will Scrap Free TV Licence For Bigoted Old Hags, Says Brown

GORDON Brown today accused the Tories of planning to scrap benefits for spiteful, racist old bitches who can freeze to death for all he cares.

'It's okay, you can shake my hand, I'm not a Pakistani'

The prime minister told a group of manky, hate-filled sows in some stinking residential home that David Cameron would take away their free TV licence so they wouldn’t be able to complain about ‘darkies’ when they’re watching the news.

He said: “The Tories will also abolish the winter fuel payment so you’ll end up in the hospital with pneumonia giving funny looks to the Indian doctor who’s just saved your life you rancid, ungrateful old shits.

“And he’ll make you pay for the bus. Imagine that – having to pay 50p so you can go into town and meet your decrepit Nazi friends and then sit there drinking tea and comparing notes about which ethnic minority you’d like to string up first.

“And he’ll abolish free eye tests. What will you do then? Without your ugly little glasses you’ll have no idea who you’re supposed to hate. Let’s just hope your hearing doesn’t go as well, so you can at least still judge people by their mumbo-jumbo accents.”

The prime minister added: “Anyway, I hope I can count on your vote next Thursday and who knows, maybe you’ll die shortly afterwards and do us all a favour. Fuck you.”

Senior Labour figures have expressed unease at Mr Brown’s new tactic but there are suggestions that unbridled verbal assaults on elderly widows could strengthen the party’s position with the thousands of educated, middle class voters who are embarrassed by their own parents.

One Labour source said: “We’ll have to wait for the overnight numbers, but if it’s working then from now until polling day we’ll be targeting defenceless old ladies, preferably wheelchair-bound after a violent robbery.

“Perhaps he could hit one of them in the face with a spanner.”