News

Dog decides which owner he'd eat if he really had to

A COUPLE’S pet dog is lying at their feet and deciding which of them he would kill and eat if he had absolutely no option.

The six best ways to keep children amused for six whole f**king weeks

SIX weeks is longer than you get off in a year, but for anyone aged between four and 16 it’s just summer. Here’s how to keep them busy.

Teacher planning to retire on end-of-term presents

A PRIMARY school teacher has quit her job and plans to retire on the proceeds of the gifts she has received from thankful parents.

Five incredibly stupid opinions that will get you a standing ovation in the pub

DO you fancy being being popular down the pub by spouting idiotic crowd-pleasing opinions? Here are some great ones to try.

Man committed to reaching ticket machine without opening car door

A DRIVER is committed to reaching a car park ticket machine without leaving his car or opening the door, no matter the cost. 

Teenager fails to include word 'legit' in text message

A TEENAGER has committed a terrible faux pas by forgetting to include the word ‘legit’ in a text message. 

The Northerner's guide to proving your Northernness

BEING Northern isn’t a geographical thing - it’s a state of mind. Whether you live in Sheffield, Shelby or Skipton, here’s how not to be a soft Southern ponce.

Drivers over 70 only allowed to drive at night

DRIVERS who have had their licences for 50 years or more are only to be allowed to drive between the hours of 11pm and 6am. 

Dad asks daughter who's been vegetarian for 15 years if she's still not eating meat

A MAN has asked his daughter, who has been a vegetarian since she was 15 and is now 30, if she is “still not eating meat”.

How to reduce your plastic use while being a smug b*stard about it

DO you want to use less plastic while making sure everyone knows what a thoughtful, eco-conscious and incredibly smug person you are? Here’s how.

Five songs that are so overplayed you'll want to top yourself

AFTER Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol was somehow named as the most-played song this century, here are some others that will make you want to cut off your ears and burn them.

Man trapped inside pair of skinny fit jeans

A 32-YEAR-OLD man has spent the last three hours trapped inside a pair of super-skinny jeans in a changing room.