Are you watching Bodyguard or is there something wrong with you?

EVERYONE is glued to sexy thriller Bodyguard, episode five of which is shown tonight on BBC1, but what about those few malcontents and weirdos who are not watching it?

John Lewis starting to suspect it is being undersold

JOHN Lewis is beginning to wonder if its prices may be much, much higher than its rivals after years of wilful ignorance.

Man who agreed to work Saturday assumed boss knew he'd still be a bit pissed

A MAN has agreed to work this Saturday under the illusion that his boss was aware that he would be a little bit drunk.

Even pub not sure why it's playing music everyone bloody hates

A PUB has made the strange decision to play extremely crap music at a deafening volume despite it being loathed by everyone including the staff.

School trip costs how f**king much?

A SCHOOL trip to somewhere not even far away costs they-are-taking-the-fucking-piss, parents have confirmed.

Mashing stuff down plughole 'probably fine', say experts

FORCING things down the plughole is unlikely to have bad consequences, according to boffins who cannot be arsed to walk to the bin.

Five things to think about doing this weekend before sitting on your arse in pyjamas all day

YOU'RE definitely going to make the most of your weekend. Or you're going to pretend you are. Here are five excellent things to do this weekend that you won't.

The embarrassing dad's guide to meeting boyfriends and girlfriends

INTERACTING with your teenage son or daughter’s partner is a complex challenge for dads. Here’s how to make it less of a total disaster.