News

Magic Mike live show opens portal to hen party hell

THE Magic Mike Live stage show has opened a hen party hellmouth in London.

Britain's nastiest towns get festive visit from the Pepsi Max Cherry truck

NASTY towns across Britain are being subjected to a Christmas visit from the Pepsi Max Cherry truck.

Dipping headlights is for losers, claims git

A MAN who does not dip his headlights thinks he is a master of the universe rather than the worst person the world, it has been confirmed.

Man sickened by the very thought of December

A MAN is filled with dread at the thought of a month filled with tortuous social situations.

Britain expels clever people

A GROWING number of intelligent people have been expelled from the UK for smelling weird and preferring maths to telly.

New Mary Poppins film mostly about her spanking Jacob Rees-Mogg

THE new Mary Poppins film is to focus on the magical nanny’s later career of dealing out sexual discipline to Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Everyone wondering when they can go back to not knowing what the 'DUP' is

EVERY single person in Britain is wondering when they can go back to not knowing or caring who or what the DUP is, research has confirmed.

Has Meghan threatened to carve her initials into Kate's pretty face?

PALACE sources have denied that the Duchess of Sussex accosted the Duchess of Cambridge in a quiet anteroom, held a knife to her cheek and threatened to ‘cut’ her.