News

Totally chaotic, f**ked-up mess of a family to get third dog

A FAMILY that exists in a state of filthy chaos has agreed that it would be great to get a third dog.

Time-travelling smartarse 'is terrible role model for children'

DOCTOR Who is a totally unrealistic and quite annoying role model for children, parents have realised.

Wetherspoon unveils 'Brexit Chaos' breakfast

WETHERSPOON has unveiled its new 'Brexit Chaos' breakfast, which includes an unknown quantity of vague, ever-changing ingredients.

Hoity-toity north-west lords it over rest of Britain with fancy hosepipe ban

SMUG homeowners in Cheshire and Lancashire are showing off to the rest of the UK about their highly exclusive hosepipe ban.

Elon Musk flounces off to Mars in a huff

ELON Musk has confirmed plans to go off to Mars in a strop.

Homeworker wakes up two hours early to switch on bastard laptop

A HOMEWORKER is to get up at 6am to switch on her fucking laptop so it will be ready to use by about half-eight.

Non-football fans emerge from underground bunkers

PEOPLE who are not interested in football have emerged from their underground shelters.

Shop assistant asking if you 'need any help' definitely thinks you're going to nick something

SHOP assistants asking if you 'need any help' definitely suspect you of shoplifting, it has been revealed.