'Not to be shallow, but no one under six foot' says shallow woman on dating app

A WOMAN using a dating app has confirmed she is not being shallow but physical attributes matter more to her than character.

Man embarks on doomed facial hair experiment

A MAN has initiated yet another ill-fated experiment with his facial hair while his girlfriend is away.

New teacher unsure if she even wants to inspire the little bastards now

A TEACHER at a comprehensive is starting to doubt whether she even wants to put her dickhead pupils on a path to a brighter future.

We've waived our completely made-up fee that pays for literally nothing, say gyms

GYMS are generously waiving the £125 joining fee they usually charge for absolutely nothing, they have confirmed.

Childcare costs worth it to get away from our children, admit mums

MOTHERS have confirmed they will pay anything to get a few hours away from their children each week.

Single man considering third item of furniture

A SINGLE man is considering getting a third piece of furniture to go with his television and armchair.

Couple fall in love over shared hatred of salsa

A MAN and woman who began salsa dancing to meet a new partner have fallen deeply in love over what bullshit salsa dancing is.

Woman pretending she's not in department store just to do a shit

A WOMAN is pretending to be browsing the floors of a department store while actually plotting a course for their toilets, she has confessed.