News

Sun 'Nothing To Do With Earth's Climate' Say Boffins

THE Sun has “no influence whatsoever” on how hot the earth is, according to a new scientific study by Glasgow’s Clyde University. 

Vegetarians' Gas Now 'Biggest Cause Of Global Warming'

VEGETARIANS are being urged to eat each other after it emerged their own gas was now the major cause of global climate change.

Ikea customers realise it's all shit

HOME furnishing giant Ikea is to cut jobs amid increased consumer recognition of the shitness of its products.

Wogan To Host BBC Snitch-Athon

SIR Terry Wogan and Gaby Roslin are to host a massive ‘snitch-athon’  to encourage the general public to inform on their friends, neighbours and colleagues.

Brown 'Frantic With Worry' Over State Of Britain's Lawns

THE long spell of wet weather has prompted Prime Minister Gordon Brown to order a full-scale review of the nation's lawns.

Brown To Have Union Jack Tattooed Across His Buttocks

PRIME Minister Gordon Brown is to have the union flag tattooed across his buttocks in a bid to rally the nation in the face of terror.

James Blunt To Be Sacrificed In Spectacular Live Earth Finale

SINGER-songwriter James Blunt is to be sacrificed in a symbolic gesture of climate change solidarity at the end of this weekend's Live Earth spectacular.