JOSE Mourinho has given Juan Mata the day off so he can whip his naked body through the streets of Salford.
SEVEN days after the opening ceremony, the Olympics will finally begin.
A MAN who has been a die-hard Leicester City fan for nearly six months is not looking forward to the new Premier League season.
THE Olympics swimming pool that has turned bright green also has a strangely familiar smell, officials have admitted.
WATCHING highly skilled female athletes ruthlessly competing is not as sexy as has been claimed, men have finally realised.
AN OFFICE worker is exhausted today because of watching something he describes as ‘the swimming’.
INTERNATIONAL table tennis players have confessed that there have been no balls involved at the sport’s top level for 30 years.
FORMER Swansea boss Garry Monk has suddenly remembered he was appointed Leeds United manager over two months ago.
THE FA will substitute lower-league teams who reach the FA Cup final for popular clubs like Manchester United.
RUSSIA is to host an alternative Olympic Games where drug use is obligatory.
THE Football Association has finally given up and appointed Sam Allardyce as England manager.
SUNDERLAND has pledged to smash its transfer record to bring in anyone, anyone at all.