Sport

Leicester’s secret is not playing any good teams
THE KEY to Leicester City’s success is to avoid playing anyone decent, it has been confirmed.

Safety conscious cyclists sticking to pavement
CAREFUL bicycle users are increasingly using the pavement as a way to avoid the dangers of the road.

Blackburn appoints Lambert out of spite
BLACKBURN Rovers has hired Paul Lambert as manager to teach ungrateful supporters a lesson.

Arsenal reluctantly drops jousting from training schedule
AFTER repeated injury problems, Arsenal has decided to remove medieval combat from its weekly schedule.

Spanish interpreter battling to get Moyes to understand he’s sacked
A SPANISH interpreter is finding it impossible to communicate to David Moyes that he has been fired by Real Sociedad.

Arsenal to focus on qualifying for Champions League so they can go out of it
WITH Champions League progress unlikely, Arsenal will now focus on securing the chance to exit the Champions League early next season.

Half-and-half football shirts change according to who's winning
NEW half-and-half football shirts switch their colours and design as play goes on so the wearer is always on the winning side.

The Mash guide to the FIFA presidential elections
THE race for the FIFA presidency is on, but who are the runners and riders?

Sherwood and Rodgers form crime fighting duo
TIM Sherwood and Brendan Rodgers will drive around the country solving mysteries, they confirmed yesterday.

Joubert looking forward to walking holiday in Scotland
RUGBY referee Craig Joubert is keen to get started on a hiking break around Scotland.

Newcastle United uses up five months’ worth of goals
STEVE McClaren has admitted Newcastle United has scored its last goal until March.

Total lack of belief gives England fans hope for Euro 16
ENGLAND fans are convincing themselves the team has no chance at Euro 2016 and is therefore certain to win.