Sport
Andy Carroll has forgotten almost all the rules of football
WEST Ham striker Andy Carroll has returned from injury but has been asking teammates elementary questions about football.
Crowd greets record-breaking Rooney goal with open contempt
ENGLAND fans have celebrated Wayne Rooney's record-breaking 50th goal with chants explaining why it isn't a big deal.
Murray dangerously close to not having won Wimbledon
ANDY Murray is now just two early grand slam exits away from not winning Wimbledon in 2013.
Man suddenly seems to be Welsh
A MAN with no obvious signs of Welsh heritage has positioned a Welsh dragon cuddly toy on his desk, it has been noted.
‘Wenger’ becomes a verb
TO go out shopping and return home empty handed is now described as to ‘Wenger’.
Brian Sewell's transfer window round-up
Of all the painters with 'van' in their name, the most gifted is unquestionably Van Morrison.
FA to remove stigma of being offside
FOOTBALLERS are being encouraged to open up about being offside.
John Terry's ego humanely destroyed
JOHN Terry's ego has been hauled out to sea to be broken up.
Non-League football best place to meet women
SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.
Fans extrapolate whole season from first game
FOOTBALL fans have decided exactly how everything in their lives will develop over the next nine months.
Trent Bridge wicket has 'miracle healing properties'
ENGLAND cricket fans spent yesterday evening wandering around Nottingham in a daze.
Football fans celebrate Arsenal Opinion Day
FOOTBALL fans around the country are marking the day of the year when they say that Arsenal ‘must finally deliver’.