Sport

The Tory activities you can ignore the Rule of Six for

SHOOTING grouse and stag-hunting are exceptions to the Rule of Six thanks to Conservative lawmakers, but what else?

Government appoints Harry Maguire as Greek ambassador

IN keeping with its policy of getting the right people for top jobs, the government has appointed Harry Maguire as ambassador to Greece.

Idiot believes everything is fake except wrestling

A YOUNG man is convinced that everything in modern life is a bogus conspiracy except professional wrestling.

Premier League noise button make man like god

ONCE I was ordinary man. I watch football on TV. People watching football make noise. I powerless.

Sign our petition for Marcus Rashford to win the Premier League

MARCUS Rashford is a hero who’s given Britain hope. And now it’s time for us to give back, by making him sole winner of the 2019/20 Premier League.

'Hooray, sport is back soon!' say the worst kind of people

A LOAD of absolute knobheads are delighted that sport is back on shortly, as if it mattered.

Footballers picking up 100k a week to have sex with beautiful women when they're not even injured

FOOTBALLERS are currently being paid to have sex with beautiful women and drive expensive cars without having to kick a ball or suffer from thigh strain.

Football fans allowed to switch teams, FA announces

FOOTBALL authorities have declared a supporting amnesty for the next 12 days during which fans can switch team without penalty.

How to recreate the excitement of watching live sport now that you can't

NOW that coronavirus has stripped live sport from your life, how can you fill the hole where yelling at sweaty people on TV used to be? Here are five simple ways.

Michael Gove kept in cabinet to spite Britain

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

35 year-old wondering if it's really too late to become a professional footballer

A MAN in his mid-30s is still wondering if it is really too late for him to become a professional footballer.

England rugby team perform intimidating pre-match ritual of making lovely cup of tea

THE England rugby team will intimidate the Springboks in the World Cup final by performing a terrifying tea-making ritual on the pitch.