FOOTBALLERS are currently being paid to have sex with beautiful women and drive expensive cars without having to kick a ball or suffer from thigh strain.
FOOTBALL authorities have declared a supporting amnesty for the next 12 days during which fans can switch team without penalty.
NOW that coronavirus has stripped live sport from your life, how can you fill the hole where yelling at sweaty people on TV used to be? Here are five simple ways.
MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed.
A MAN in his mid-30s is still wondering if it is really too late for him to become a professional footballer.
THE England rugby team will intimidate the Springboks in the World Cup final by performing a terrifying tea-making ritual on the pitch.
AUSTRALIA’S Rugby World Cup exit is of no interest to its citizens who much prefer books to sport, it has been claimed.
AN English man has added ‘f**king Bulgars’ to his vocabulary of muttered invective after England’s match against Bulgaria last night.
RUGBY World Cup officials who cancelled matches because of a typhoon a 'bunch of fairies', according to a retired PE teacher.
A MAN has been pretending to enjoy the Rugby World Cup so he can drink beer for breakfast.
MEN have been warned to take the responsibility of a fantasy football team seriously rather than walking away the moment it goes wrong.
MEN across Britain are training hard so as not to appear totally baffled by the Rugby World Cup.