Sport

Yep, this is as 'exciting' as golf gets, confirm fans

GOLF fans are insisting that the Ryder Cup is a tense, explosive contest that will have even the golf-averse on the edge of their seats.

Man inexplicably into American sports

A MAN is a devoted fan of American sports and nobody has the slightest idea why.

Jose Mourinho's guide to being a miserable bastard

HOLA, this is the Special One, Jose Mourinho and I'm here to teach you how be a proper miserable sod.

Jose Mourinho increasingly resembles caretaker from Scooby-Doo

UNITED manager Jose Mourinho increasingly resembles the Scooby-Doo caretaker who has found gold on the premises, players have claimed.

Football fans experimenting with different types of suffering

THE start of the new football season has led football fans to try new ways of subjecting themselves to pain and misery.

Bloody cyclist going too fast again

A BLOODY cyclist has been going too bloody fast, it has been confirmed.

Badly-planned Tour de France route full of hills

SHOCKED Tour de France competitors have discovered that poor planning has led to a very mountainous route.

Give Belgium third place if they want it, England players agree

ENGLAND players have agreed that today’s third-place play-off should just be given to Belgium if they want it because it is no use to us.

New football fans expected to watch crap League Two games from now on

EVERYONE who was supporting England in the World Cup will be expected to continue their love of football when the season starts.

Mum still confident we can win it

A FOOTBALL novice mum has reassured her heartbroken family that England can pull something out of the bag and win the World Cup.

Man who likes to point out that football originated in China told to shut up

A MAN who enjoys saying that strictly speaking football's 'home' is in China has been politely asked to shut the fuck up.

England game too personal to watch in front of anyone

AN England fan has strongly rejected an invitation to watch tonight's game in a pub because he can only face it alone.