Sport

A supporters' guide to enduring the London Marathon

BEHIND every runner in this weekend’s London Marathon are at least 15 people sick to death of hearing about it and willing it to be over.

Scotland now in danger of losing to fictional countries

THE Scottish national football team is now the underdog against a range of made-up countries.

Man proud of ability to watch any game of football

A FOOTBALL fan has proudly proclaimed that he can watch literally any game of football, from the Champions League to a lads’ kickabout in the park.

Hungover beat Still Pissed in Sunday league game

HUNGOVER has narrowly beaten Still Pissed From Last Night in a hotly contested Sunday league football game.

Andy Murray to retire from being Scottish

ANDY Murray has admitted he is suffering too much to continue being Scottish and is to retire to a cottage in Kent.

Fan fury as footballer looks up while being abused

THE Football Supporters' Association has complained after a player made eye contact during a chant about his whore mother.

Evil Guardian once again tricks football fan with article about women's football

THE scheming, duplicitous Guardian has again hoodwinked an innocent football fan into browsing an article about women’s football.

Mourinho put in charge of Brexit

SACKED Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho is the new Brexit secretary, it has been confirmed.

Darts players tested to make sure they're pissed

DARTS players will be drug tested to ensure they are properly pissed.

What the hell is the 'Nations League' and why does anyone care?

ENGLAND are through to the semi finals of an irrelevant competition that's not even as old as Prince William's youngest child, but, how much do you know or care about the national side's apparent footballing 'success'?

Rugby players worried about teammate drinking piss alone

A GROUP of rugby players are worried about a teammate after seeing him drinking a glass of warm piss on his own.

Yep, this is as 'exciting' as golf gets, confirm fans

GOLF fans are insisting that the Ryder Cup is a tense, explosive contest that will have even the golf-averse on the edge of their seats.