ENGLAND are through to the semi finals of an irrelevant competition that's not even as old as Prince William's youngest child, but, how much do you know or care about the national side's apparent footballing 'success'?
A GROUP of rugby players are worried about a teammate after seeing him drinking a glass of warm piss on his own.
GOLF fans are insisting that the Ryder Cup is a tense, explosive contest that will have even the golf-averse on the edge of their seats.
A MAN is a devoted fan of American sports and nobody has the slightest idea why.
HOLA, this is the Special One, Jose Mourinho and I'm here to teach you how be a proper miserable sod.
UNITED manager Jose Mourinho increasingly resembles the Scooby-Doo caretaker who has found gold on the premises, players have claimed.
THE start of the new football season has led football fans to try new ways of subjecting themselves to pain and misery.
A BLOODY cyclist has been going too bloody fast, it has been confirmed.
SHOCKED Tour de France competitors have discovered that poor planning has led to a very mountainous route.
ENGLAND players have agreed that today’s third-place play-off should just be given to Belgium if they want it because it is no use to us.
EVERYONE who was supporting England in the World Cup will be expected to continue their love of football when the season starts.
A FOOTBALL novice mum has reassured her heartbroken family that England can pull something out of the bag and win the World Cup.