Sport

New football fans expected to watch crap League Two games from now on

EVERYONE who was supporting England in the World Cup will be expected to continue their love of football when the season starts.

Mum still confident we can win it

A FOOTBALL novice mum has reassured her heartbroken family that England can pull something out of the bag and win the World Cup.

Man who likes to point out that football originated in China told to shut up

A MAN who enjoys saying that strictly speaking football's 'home' is in China has been politely asked to shut the fuck up.

England game too personal to watch in front of anyone

AN England fan has strongly rejected an invitation to watch tonight's game in a pub because he can only face it alone.

Scotland suddenly teeming with Croatia fans

SCOTLAND is suddenly teeming with Croatia fans, it has been confirmed.

It's okay to lose as long as you try your very best, fans assure England

ENGLAND fans have reassured the World Cup squad that they will still be just as proud if they win or lose as long as they try their hardest.

Dad has can of lager before 9am in preparation for England game

A DAD has already had a full can of lager before anyone got up in anticipation of this afternoon’s England game, he has admitted.

What totally regrettable thing will you be doing if England win... or lose?

WITH a chance of going through to the World Cup final at stake, England vs. Sweden is going to be somewhat tense. So how will you be losing your shit over the outcome?

England fan to savour next penalty shootout as if it were a fine wine

AN England fan is planning to savour the team’s next penalty shootout as if it were a fine, vintage wine.

England fans looking forward to tonight's match as much as they would a job interview

ENGLAND fans are anticipating tonight’s match with the same mixture of creeping dread and desperate hope that they would take to a job interview.

This World Cup has nothing on 1954, say football hipsters

FOOTBALL hipsters have insisted the current World Cup is 'vastly inferior' to Switzerland ’'54.

For two weeks a year we pretend to give a f**k about tennis, Englishman explains to foreign colleague

A BRITISH man has patiently explained to an Italian colleague that for a fortnight every year England pretends to like tennis.