A DAD has already had a full can of lager before anyone got up in anticipation of this afternoon’s England game, he has admitted.
WITH a chance of going through to the World Cup final at stake, England vs. Sweden is going to be somewhat tense. So how will you be losing your shit over the outcome?
AN England fan is planning to savour the team’s next penalty shootout as if it were a fine, vintage wine.
ENGLAND fans are anticipating tonight’s match with the same mixture of creeping dread and desperate hope that they would take to a job interview.
FOOTBALL hipsters have insisted the current World Cup is 'vastly inferior' to Switzerland '54.
For two weeks a year we pretend to give a f**k about tennis, Englishman explains to foreign colleague
A BRITISH man has patiently explained to an Italian colleague that for a fortnight every year England pretends to like tennis.
GARETH Southgate has revealed his plan to get England to the World Cup final by only playing the weakest opponents.
HOLA! I’m footballing legend Diego Maradona and here is my guide to having a few friends round for a quiet evening with cheese, pleasant conversation and ‘wine’.
ENGLAND manager Gareth Southgate has warned the public that on no account are they allowed to begin believing in his team.
BBC presenter Gary Lineker has finally solved the mystery of who won the Golden Boot at the 1986 World Cup.
ARE you totally uninterested in football but face weeks of men kicking a little a ball around and analysing it? Read our handy tips for making it less tedious.
THE England team have been told to leave the World Cup and return home as heroes before it all turns sour.