Sport

How to make the World Cup tolerable if you f**king hate football

ARE you totally uninterested in football but face weeks of men kicking a little a ball around and analysing it? Read our handy tips for making it less tedious.

Come home now, England team told

THE England team have been told to leave the World Cup and return home as heroes before it all turns sour. 

It's not about the war, says man supporting any team against Germany

A MAN watching the World Cup says he has no grudge against Germany despite passionately supporting any side playing against them.

Man leaving office early to watch football that isn't on until 7pm

A MAN has announced he will be leaving the office at lunchtime to watch the game, even though it begins at 7pm. 

World Cup wallchart abandoned

A WORLD Cup wallchart pinned to a bathroom wall has received its final entry just four days into the event.

England 'can win World Cup if you're pissed enough'

THE England team has a very good chance of winning the World Cup if you have consumed enough alcohol, it has emerged.

World Cup opening ceremony to centre on 380ft replica of Putin’s cock

TODAY’S World Cup opening ceremony will feature a monstrous replica of Russian president Vladimir Putin’s ‘magnificent’ penis.

Nobody offended by Harry Kane's 'World Cup Group Stage June 18' tattoo

TEAMMATES and fans have no issue with Harry Kane’s new tattoo commemorating England’s upcoming group stage exit, they have confirmed.

Sunderland to be out of Football League before Britain is out of EU

SUNDERLAND'S relegation to League One means there is a good chance they will have left the Football League before Britain leaves the EU, it has been confirmed.

Wenger agrees to leave Arsenal in 2005

ARSENAL has confirmed Arsene Wenger will officially leave the club 13 years ago.

Cricket reclassified as 'cheaty sport'

CRICKET has been officially reclassified as one of the world’s ‘cheaty’ sports, along with cycling and sprinting.

Sober horses ruin massive piss-up

REVELLERS at the Cheltenham Festival have complained that horses are getting in the way of their drinking.